Bloom

I Hope That...

"Pretty picture," I comment because what else is there to say about it?

Reign sighs like she's disappointed. "What year is the next entry?"

"1963," I flip to the bookmarked page. "Nearing the end,"

"Don't talk about it," she props her feet on my desk and leans back. "Just read,"

🎞

November 1963

L. We'll be alright.

I know it seems impossible right now, but we will be, I promise. If I can grantee nothing else, this is what I can. I know we drift, and I know it gets to the point that we wonder why even try anymore. So, I'm here to tell you all the reasons we should.

Before you, I didn't know that the sun could shine so bright, I didn't know it could shine so close to me. You are sunshine personified. How do you do it? How do you become the sun? It's amazing to me. 

I know you're struggling right now. Things are difficult in your life, and you don't know how to manage it, you don't know how you'll ever make it through, but you will. I'll carry you through the tough bits, me and you, love.

You can't put a price on emotion. That's what I told you the other night when we went off on our own. I told you that you can't, it's not up for purchase, and I still believe that. But I also believe that happiness can be bought and isn't that sort of the same thing?

Let me explain. I buy bits of happiness whenever we go get ice cream, whenever we go to the shops for Darcy, whenever we take a holiday together. I buy things so that we can have time together, so in a way, I buy bits of happiness. Do you see?

I'm sure you already knew, hell, I tell you constantly, but L, my dearest, my darling, my one and only thought. You have my devotion. All of it, every ounce of devotion and adoration. You have everything of mine.

You told me that we hate each other sometimes. I don't think that's quite true. I think that we get mad at each other... more often than others sometimes, but just because we get mad at each other and just because we have it out like nobody's business doesn't mean we hate each other. I never hate you.

I don't hate you, I couldn't. It's just something we say in the heat of the moment, I think. I never mean it, and I can't see a world in which you mean it either. I shouldn't say it, I know that. I wish I could take it back every time, and I know I'm petty and bitter and mean when I'm upset. I'm working on it, truly. But over ten years with somebody will do that to you, I suppose.

That being said, I don't want to fight you, L. I don't want to ever fight, it feels wrong, don't you agree? We aren't meant to fight, we never were. But I will say, we are good at it. The way you can get me going and genuinely yell. I never yell. I don't like to, especially at you, but God you're nothing if you're not suborn. You drive me crazy in every sense of the word. Fighting with you, though, I will admit is sort of... arousing in a way. Maybe that's just you though. Maybe everything you do gets to me. I must sound like an insane person, talking about how fighting with you makes me want to... never mind... my apologies.

I get to thinking about you and it's hard to concentrate, even after all these years. Especially after all these years. Always new and exciting, you're full of surprises and I think I fall in love with you more each day, how is that possible?

You test my patience, L, every second of every day. I love it, truthfully, though I'll never admit that out loud. There are things that I can never be sure of with you. I can never be sure about our future, it's so uncertain. You said that, but you also told me that just because it's uncertain doesn't mean it's not there. I believe our future is there, I believe in that with my entire heart and soul, though, they aren't in my body, you hold them in your hands.