Alucard gets prego

The day it happens

One day, Alucard was walking to the coffee shop with Hanzou. Hanzou opened the door for Alucard and said "Fatties first." 

Alucard blushed and he walked into the shop. He sat his fat ass down on the damn chair and broke it.  Alucard yelled for his fucking teaaaaaa. The waitress brought his fucking tea and he ate his tea, glass and all. ( Hanzou was still standing by the door lol ) Alucard finished his shit but he got hornay hornay feelin. 

He got a feelin ooooh ooooh tonights gonna be a good tonihtght. Im done singin now.  There was something that they put in his tea perhaps lolololololol. Alucard rushed towards Hanzou who was still holing the door. 

"HANZOU WE GOTTA GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alucard screamed. 

Hanzou was super duper pooper scooper confused. "Okay Alucard. Get in the car." 

Both of them rushed into the Toy-yoda car and drove off to their house. Traffic was heavy that day and Alucard was gettin impatient. Once they got to their house they plopped on the bed and they boned each other like awesome people do lol.  A couple weeks later Alucard got weird food cravings and started eating weird ass shit like Potato chips with Whip cream and Peanut butter and pickle sandwiches like wtf. 

"Alucard wtf is this. This shit is fucking nasty as hell!!!" Cyclops yelled. 

"It's my fuckin dinner you whore fuck you you dolt, you fucking cretin, and sket, nounce" Alucard said. 

"Alucard, this looks really unhealthy. Like, Chocolate and fried butter with mayonnaise? Really hun?" Hanzou said in a confused manner.

"IT'S MY FOOD AND I DO WHAT I WANT YOU MOTHER FUCKING NINJA-GO WANNABE!!" Alucard screeched.

"Wait a minute, mood swings, food cravings...Alucard...I think you're-"

"WHAT SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT ehem! Sorry mood swing there." 

"Alucard, I didn't use a condom that night" Hanzou whimpered.

"HOLD THE FUCKIN PHONE YOU GUYS FUCKED??? DAMNNNN YALL NASTY" Cyclops interrupted. 

"Yes Cyclops we had sex. Unprotected sex that is. So that means, Alucard's pregnant!!" Hanzou yelled, again.

"Omigosh! I'm preggers! Omggggggg. I'm gonna be a father mother thing idfk." Alucard said jumping in excitement. 

A couple weeks later, Alucard was walking out in the streets until he came across his friend Cassandra. 

"Damn Alucard you're fat as shit what are you like 9 months pregnant." Cassandra snarked.

"Actually I am pregnant Cassandra. Thank you for asking! Though I'm not at the 9 month mark. I'm 2 months in rn." Alucard said.

"Damn did you get your x ray thingy or whatever idk I'm a damn alien for fuck sake. Bitches don't know how to write me." Cassandra said.

"Yeah I did and apparently I'm scheduled to have quadruplets!" Alucard yipped.

"Damn thats a shit load of babies Alucard fuckin your butthole is gonna get terrorized lol." Cassandra said.

"Yeah lol anyways gotta go to the store so I can get food and shit lol." Alucard and said and waved good-bye to Cassandra. 

Alucard then went to the store and bought shit for Hanzou and the baby. He paid like $500 dollars for all this shit. Anyways Alucard started walking home until he saw that he was getting weird stares.

"What?! Never seen a pregnant man before!?" Alucard yelled.

Everyone just shook their heads yes. Alucard sighed and grumpily walked back to his house. He opened his door, walked in and plopped his big ass on the couch, pouting. Hanzou walked down stairs and sat next with Alucard, rubbing his husbands back. 

"Honey, are you okay? Did something happen when you were shopping?" Hanzou asked.

"Hanzy-poo, Idk if I want to have this baby anymore! People are judging me in public and I hate it! I feel embarrassed!" Alucard cried.

"D'aaaaaw hun its okay! Think of it as this, you're the first human male in the word to get pregnant! That must mean something to you right? You're like a prodigy or someshit! Lets just hope the IRS doesn't sought us out and capture you for studies lol." Hanzou chuckled

"Well when you put it that way, yeah I guess I am a little proud of myself! Thanks for the ted talk hun!" Alucard chirped.

"You're welcome sweetheart!"

Hanzou gave Alucard a big ol hug. Then they picked up Alucard and brought him to their bedroom. They both cuddled that night and fell asleep.

7 months lateeeeeeeeeeeeeeer. Alucard was cleaning up the kitchen until he felt pressure in his body. Alucard dropped the cloth he was using and realized that his water broke. Alucard screamed in pain and Hanzou rushed down stairs. 

"Hun are you alright?!" Hanzou screamed.

"I THINK MY FUCKING WATER BROKE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Alucard said.

"Oh fuck! Here let me bring you to the car hold on hun!" Hanzou brought Alucard to the car and drove off to the hospital.

Alucard was still screaming his ass off in absolute pain. Hanzou was absolutely stressed. They finally made it to the hospital and rushed Alucard to the birth room I have no idk what its called lol. The doctor spreaded Alucards legs open and told him to push. Alucard had a hard grip on Hanzous hand and was about to snap their hand. Alucard finally gave birth to the 4 babies and Alucard let out a huge gasp. Kimberly Corman and Thomas Burke from Final Destination 2 then busted into the room and started clapping.

"Congratulations on the baby Alucard!" Kimberly said cheerfully.

"Who the hell are these guys?" Alucard asked.

And with that Alucard and Hanzou became a happy family with 4 kids and a dog. 

The End.

Now go the fuck home you shit heads.