DOROTHEA

THIRTY-TWO

"...with a big cake,
happy birthday!
Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey?"

———

July 19th, 2018 - New York, New York

"...But what am I supposed to do, Mom?"

"Honey, I don't exactly know. But I'm trying to help—"

"Mom, please!" Taylor cried.

"Taylor, darling, please don't let this make you so upset," Andrea sighed through the phone. "Heather knows what's going on. In less than two days she'll be flying up to you with Maeve and Dean. I'll be there as soon as tonight, depending on whatever delays there are with these storms arriving this afternoon—"

"Mom, I'm losing her," Taylor fretted, her voice clogged with tears. "I don't know how to help her. I'm trying to convince her that everything is going to be okay but it isn't working. And so how am I supposed to do it, then? She's hardly sleeping. She's lost weight and she buries herself in her computer. She's editing these tour photos like a slave and I'm at the point where I'm just...mad. I get furious watching what she's doing to herself because all I can think about is what it's doing to the baby—"

"Taylor, listen to me," her mother cut in, "this isn't something you can control. I know you want Thea to be okay, we all do, but only Thea is the one who has control over how she feels."

"But...What if I'm just making it worse?"

"What? Don't be ridiculous!" Andrea gasped. "Goodness. Why would a thought like that even cross your mind?"

Taylor laughed stiffly. "Gee, I don't know. My dating history?"

"Taylor, no. I don't want to hear it because you know damn well that you weren't the only reason those relationships ended," Andrea inserted sternly.

She chuckled under her breath, then muttered, "Yeah, well regardless of whose fault it is, I've see history repeat itself more than enough fucking times."

"I'm going to hang up and finish packing my suitcase," her mother declared, oblivious to the previous comment, "and even though you haven't listened to me the first dozen times I've said it, I promise that everything will be just fine."

Taylor didn't say anything. Her mother's words hadn't reassured her the first several times and this one wasn't appearing to be any different.

"Okay?" Andrea prodded.

Taylor sighed heavily, biting her lower lip. "Okay."

After hanging up, she smacked her phone down on the table, though throwing it out the penthouse window  seemed like a much more satisfying option.

It had been a month since their encounter with Sophie, and little did Taylor know that it would also be the last day she'd have Dorothea. Well, okay—She still had Dorothea. But she didn't have Thea. As each day passed, it became harder recognize the girl with the sun-kissed glow and the laugh she wished she could bottle up and keep for the times she became so desperate to hear it.

But she also didn't know what to do. Dorothea still smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. When she laughed, Taylor was convinced it had been a few seconds shorter than before. There was an emptiness growing more and more visible in her girlfriend's features, showing no signs of slowing down. The thought of it woke Taylor in the middle of the night, but what drenched her in a cold sweat was the baby. Two-am rolled around, and all she could do was stare at her girlfriend's belly.