20 Questions

Chapter 59

She shakes her head side to side, biting her bottom lip that is starting to quiver with raw and timely emotion. I run my finger along the pink flesh as she blinks back tears. Seeing her like this stirs so many emotions inside me and I find it increasingly difficult to get my words out. I remember watching the Twilight movies with some chic I dated and out of all the abilities I wish I had right now, Bella and Edward's daughter's power stands out the most. With one caress of her hand, she could project memories and flashbacks and feelings onto the person she touched. She transferred past images into their minds so they could understand without an explanation. I'm a man, a broken man and not even a well-articulated one so making her comprehend my last year of insufferable hell is like trying to put square pegs into a round hole. She deserves a lot of things, but broken promises and stories that contain more holes than Swiss cheese are not on that list.

"I completely broke down when the lodge said you had left. I went back to my room and lost it." Her beautiful face is covered with a frown as she cups my cheeks with her soft hands. I lean into her while I choose my words wisely. "'Then I saw your letter lying on the floor and when I finally read it, the vise gripping my chest loosened because I was wrong about the reason behind your departure. When I looked to the bottom of the page, there was your number, but the last three numbers were smeared, like it got wet somehow. I couldn't decipher them and I didn't know how I was going to find you, but I knew I wouldn't stop until I did. I dwelled on it, to the point I made myself physically ill, because I knew how upset you were about your dad and that smudging was from your tears. It broke me down and I hated myself for not being there when you needed me the most. I should have been there, J. I should have been the one holding you and telling you everything was going to be ok so I called the airline to get an earlier flight because I just had to be there for you."

"That's why you weren't there," she responds, biting her lip and nodding. A light bulb goes off in her head, but I am still in the dark.

"Yes, baby. I wasn't there because I couldn't read the numbers."

"No, at the airport. You weren't at the airport," she clarifies, looking at me like a worm has invaded my brain and consumed my logical thinking.

"What do you mean?"

"I came to the airport that day. I left the hospital after my dad's surgery to surprise you when you got off the plane. I sat there waiting for you, but you never showed. I thought maybe you changed your mind and that you didn't want-"

"Baby, no!" I yell, louder than I had intended to, but she is off her rocker if she thinks my proposal wasn't genuine. "I don't want you to ever think that I didn't want you. You are the most important person in my entire life and I fucking mean that. I would never abandon you...well, not intentionally."

I lean forward and kiss her forehead, telling her how sorry I am. She gives me an understanding nod, but I know I still have so much work to do to regain her trust and her confidence in me again. I can't believe she would ever think that I didn't want her. I proposed to her for God's sake.

"Jenna, when I say that I exhausted all options to find you, I fucking mean it. I called every hospital looking for you or your dad, I googled your name a million times...or at least what I thought your last name was. I took your letter to a restoration specialist. I would go to restaurants in southern Indiana every night just hoping that you may be there by chance. I did everything apart from hiring a private investigator."

She cuts her eyes at me. "What do you mean what you thought my last name was?"

I blow my hair off my forehead and sigh loudly. Here's the part where she finds out that the man in front of her isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. "It's so ridiculous. I obviously misunderstood you when you told all of us your last name last Christmas. It thought you said 'James' not 'Janes'. It's no wonder I couldn't find you with all my searches. I didn't know until I got back here today and the lodge employee corrected me."