Genshin Impact Shit.

kazuneki crackfic

So Haneki is homeless right.
And then Kazuha is broke.

...\( òwó)/...

Don't ask.

Here I go.

Haneki is cooking inside Kazuha's house. Not like she has her own house anyway. Author cannot believe that Haneki and the kitchen are co-existing for one whole second. Oh mah gah.
She is cooking and looking at a guide, too. Surely nothing could go wrong, right?

...

Wrong.

This is actually a script of a video I will do lmao i even got voice actors

Haneki: "KAZUHA COME HERE QUICK-"
Kazuha: "WHAT HAPPENED?"
Haneki: "THE KITCHEN'S ON FUCKING FIRE."
Kazuha: "THE WHAT???"
Haneki: "THE KITCHEN. IS BURNING. IT'S ON FIRE."
Kazuha: "I KNEW IT DAMMIT! WHY DID I LET YOU STAY HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE-"
Haneki: "I'M SORRY I'M HOMELESS OKAY"
Kazuha: "IT'S OKAY, I FORGIVE YOU, NOW TURN DOWN THE FIRE-"
Haneki: "I'M PYRO ILL MAKE IT WORSE"
Kazuha: "I'M ANEMO I'LL MAKE IT SPREAD OUT"
Haneki: "FINE I'LL GO GET A FIRE EXTUINGIUSHER-"

A few minutes passes and Haneki returns with a straight face.

Haneki: "WHERE THE HELL IS THE FIRE EXTUINGIUSHER?"
Kazuha: "Wait- IT'S NOT THERE???"
Haneki: "NO, IT ISN'T"
Kazuha: "I- JUST STAY HERE I'LL GET A HYDRO VISION HOLDER-"
Haneki: "OKAY"

Kazuha runs outside.

Kazuha: "HELLO THE KITCHEN IS BURNING IS THERE ANYONE WHO CAN HELP???"

A neighbour screams back to him with a fainted or a muffled voice: "CAN ANYONE LET ME SLEEP FOR A WHILE?"
Kazuha" "SIR OUR KITCHEN IS BURNING"
"..."
"SIR?"
"Dammit-"

Just as Kazuha was going to go back Haneki screams louder than ever.

Haneki: "KAZUHA- QUICK DAMMIT-"
Kazuha now dashes inside and sees that hell broke loose in the kitchen. Everything's on fire.
Kazuha: "WHAT THE- WHAT HAPPENED HERE??"
Haneki: "I TRIED TO OUT DOWN THE FIRE WITH THE SWORD NOW HELL BROKE LOOSE"
Kazuha: "THROW THE DAMN PAN TO THE OCEAN OR THE HOUSE IS GOING TO BURN"
Haneki: "WE'RE A THOUSAND METERS AWAY FROM THE CLOSEST POND WHAT DO YOU MEAN OCEAN???"
Kazuha: "DO WE HAVE A CHOICE??"
Haneki: "RIGHT."

Timeskip to them standing in front of the ocean with a straight face while there comes a literal explosion from the pan that was dropped onto the ocean. Haneki obviously gets kinda scared but at least it's over.

Haneki: "Is it over-"
Kazuha: "I think so-"

A few seconds of silence.

Haneki: "Waaiitttt... IS THE HOUSE OKAY??"
Kazuha: "OH RIGHT I FORGOT-"

Another timeskip to them literally staring at the burned down house.

Haneki: "Welp, I'm homeless for the 3rd time now-"