Unparalleled

one

For Shilo: thank you for being my first wattpad friend. It means the world to me.
Also her books are incredible.
(not edited at all)

Max,

It was a bitter March morning when you called to ask if you could come over for a few minutes. My mind immediately shifted into overdrive as I got ready, actually putting effort into my appearance. I was always like that when I was getting ready to see you.

I think it was the butterflies you gave me that made me want to look nice for you. You deserved it anyway. Before we started dating, not many people actually paid me any attention. I didn't want you leaving because I was looking the way I did before you noticed me.

I put on a nice shirt and my favorite jeans that actually fit me the right way. I straightened my hair and put on just enough makeup so that you wouldn't notice the stress acne dotting my cheeks and nose from all of the tests I had coming up.

You showed up in your favorite jeans and navy hoodie from the trip our class took to New York City the summer before junior year started. Last weekend we had gone to dinner and talked so late into the night that I had fallen asleep on the car ride home. I must have left my glasses in the car because they weren't with me the next morning when I woke up. I managed with my contacts for a few days, but you knew that I preferred my glasses. So you brought them over.

My glasses weren't the only thing you brought though. You also brought some worrying phrases. Phrases such as I need to talk to you and I'm so sorry I led you on. The kind of phrases that let me know that we had already had our last date. Apparently, your feelings for me had dwindled over the past few months and you needed to focus on the track season anyway. Besides, you told me, it's not like I would ever enjoy running anyway.

You left after that. You left in your junkie car that you made fun of all of the time. You left in that navy hoodie that you wore when I kissed you for the first time in New York. You left with nothing more than a nod in my direction and step on the gas pedal. You left me standing all alone on the front porch with a knot in my stomach, a tremor in my hands, and bullet through my heart.

After this, I figured out that the worst kind of pain happens when I am smiling to stop the tears from falling and am trying to act like it's not a big deal but it is. It is, it is, and it always will be because my whole world is falling apart.

That was the moment my heart broke into thousands of pieces. The moment all of the butterflies died. The graceful blue butterflies were gone. It felt like they turned into shards of glass and were slicing my insides to ribbons as they fell.

You are all of the things that you promised me you would never be. You filled my head with lies as twisted as the corkscrew curls on my head. I've fallen victim to the bitter afflictions of the heart on my sleeve. The same heart that was poisoned with your false declarations of affections and now dearly suffers the consequences. My heart, once precious and strong, is now sitting in an ocean of despair, mangled and clinging to what ever life it can find. Dying a miserable death.

I never believed them when they told me how much broken hearts hurt. But now I know all too well because the mascara is trailing down my face. It's my lungs gasping for air because the sobbing cannot stop. It's my swollen eyes that are puffy and bloodshot with dark circles underneath. It is the kind of heartbreak that I could feel in my bones and leaves my soul aching and my stomach empty.

It was never supposed to be me but then it was. It was, it was, it was and there is nothing I can do about it.

I thought you were incredible. I saw galaxies in your eyes and I thought the feeling was mutual. Now I realize that all you saw in my eyes was a little star. I guess the star must have died because now I'm just an empty void with nothing but darkness surrounding me.

We were everything and everyone until suddenly we weren't and you crushed me to sand. The love songs used to be about you, but now they are about me and my misery. I can't say that you took my heart because I had given it to you. So when you were gone, so was I.

And now I am just a girl with no feeling, no identity, and no way to fix it.

-Luisa