The Boy Who Lived

The Boy Who Lived Twice

'I know. Sorry I wasn't very gracious at the time.'

'I didn't expect you to be. I'd nearly killed you. It was awful.'

They'd both leant forward, mirroring each other with their elbows on their knees, shoulder to shoulder and their hands clasped out in front of them. It was easier to talk without making eye contact. They spoke in low, quiet voices despite being far away from anyone else in the room.

***

'You looked wretched.'

'I felt wretched but you were in a far worse place. If only I had realised how... tormented you were, how low...'

'...you can say it. There's no point in pretending I wasn't about to commit suicide at that point, I had already broken the mirror and had the piece of glass in my hand, I'd already started to cut my skin...'

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't even realise the moment I'd walked in on you. I couldn't see that. If I had, perhaps things would have played out differently. I would've tried to stop you and I'd never had fought you or cast that bloody spell. At the time I just reacted. Badly. With a spell I didn't know what it would do. It was idiotic of me. So, so stupid...'

Draco's heart beat heavily at scraping up the past and of revisiting this particular event but he understood that perhaps they needed to talk openly about it. In some ways he felt lighter for sharing the moment with someone who understood.

'I did react first. Merlin! I was so angry with you for turning up at that precise moment. It had to be you who caught me at my weakest and most vulnerable.' He smiled weakly. 'Yes, it makes unfathomable sense that it would be you. It was always you, Potter, everywhere I turned. So, I did what I do best and I lashed out. And I did try and cast an Unforgiveable on you...'

'...but it was an inconceivably bad attempt!'

'Hey!'

Harry looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

Draco sunk his head in shame. 'I didn't really mean it.'

'I realised that afterwards...'

Draco wondered if it was strange that he wanted to reach out and comfort Harry. It all seemed the wrong way around. He supposed they both carried considerable guilt from that time. 'It was a mistake. We all made mistakes. Some of mine were so colossal it's hard to reconcile them with any sort of peace. I think I'll forever carry the culpability of that time; that I believed in his cause when it was so obviously flawed and awful and... Fuck!' he hissed, almost in pain, 'I was so proud to take the Mark. It was only afterwards that I began to understand what it actually meant...' Draco gulped, fighting back tears that stung his eyes. It was too hard to revisit it all.

Harry had reached across and gripped his wrist firmly. He found comfort in and he looked at Harry with a sad smile and slightly blurred vision.

'Sorry to upset you,' Harry said softly. 'Perhaps we should talk about something else.'

'You never told anyone about the Cruciatus...'

'I told mum. She wanted to expel you but I said she'd have to expel me too because my curse was equally as unforgiveable, if not worse. She couldn't argue with that.'

Draco snorted. 'That sounds very Slytherin of you yet so very honourably Gryffindorish at the same time.' He paused, studying his hands. 'Fuck! It was a terrible year... Maybe worse than seventh year. It was when I came to understand my father's fallibility and I stopped believing in him and his ways. It was a long way to fall,' said Draco quietly. 'That day, I reached rock bottom. I just wanted to bleed all that hateful "pure" blood out of my body.'