I Couldn't Give Him That

You received it too?

Stevie had just closed her eyes, hoping for at least a five minutes rest, it would work a miracle on her. One person in particular kept her up all night. The little person lying next to her in the king sized bed, her son. She never thought being a parent was such a hard job or maybe it wasn’t as bad if the baby had a mother and a father, which Stevie’s son, Aaron, didn’t. She had to be both for the boy and she had been trying her best for the past four months, since she gave birth to him.

“Baby, please…” She cried desperately. “Mommy won’t be any good for you if we don’t get some sleep.” She looked into Aaron’s piercing blue eyes. “Good boys let their mommys rest, sweetheart. There’s no one else to take care of you, little one. Let’s both close our eyes, okay?” She put her hand on the baby’s tummy and started stroking softly, which apparently turned out to be relaxing and soothing as Aaron granted Stevie’s wish and drifted off to sleep. She did too, but not for long, when she heard the door bell ring and she cursed aloud, seeing as Aaron woke up as well.

She was close to crying as she scooped the baby in her arms and went to answer the door of the apartment she had been living for almost a year now. It was safer that way, people wouldn’t find out. She rose on her tip toes and looked through the peephole, finding Christine on the other side.

“Sorry if it’s a bad time.” Christine said, noting Stevie’s disheveled appearance.

“Come in, we’re not doing anything, especially we’re not sleeping.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just that Aaron’s been restless since yesterday evening and I can’t do anything about it.”

The two women entered the living room to take a seat. “I think you need sleep more than he does. You look… well, awful.”

“Thanks!”

“I don’t mean to offend you.”

“I know you don’t.” Stevie sighed, leaning back to rest against the couch, laying Aaron on her chest. “So, what’s up?”

“Not much.”

“We’re friends and you can visit me whenever you like, Chris, but I know you and I know why you’re here.”

“You received it too?” She nodded and kept silent. “Really?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Something? Stevie, this… You can’t be so indifferent about it.”

“But I am.”

“No, that is not true. You can’t sit here and pretend you felt nothing, holding it in your hands.”

“Lindsey and I had an agreement, there’s nothing to discuss.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn, Nicks, you drive me mad.”

“Chris, I mean it. He and… what’s her name… Karen?”

“Kristen.”

“Right, they’ll be happy. She’s young and she’s going to make him a father. It’s what he has always wanted.”

“You made him a father, Stevie!”

“But he doesn’t know about it, so it doesn’t count.”

Christine just stared blankly at her friend, who was not making any sense. “Please, tell me you have a really sick sense of humor.”

“Lindsey wants to be a father, Chris, more than anything. We talked about it, we agreed that he should find a younger woman, so she could give him the family he wishes to have. I couldn’t give him that.”

“You thought you couldn’t, but here you are with his baby in your arms.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why are you being so unreasonable? He wants a family, sure, but with you, not some stranger he barely knows. You’re the woman he has loved for years, Stevie, you’re being unfair to both of you. I know you want to be with him and Aaron needs a dad. Have you any idea how hurt Lindsey’s going to be once he finds out you’ve hidden his son from him? It’s bad enough you called me instead of him, when you found out you were expecting, but when this beautiful baby boy is here and he has no idea…”

“He will never find out, Christine. There’s nothing that relates us, we’re not in a band together anymore, we don’t see each other, he will never know.”

“Why? I don’t understand. I’m trying to, but I can’t.”

“Stop trying then.”

“Okay. I get it that you broke up, because you thought you were too old to get pregnant, well… sort of do, anyway. But now? Stevie, look at him.” Christine’s eyes set on the baby, who was making some gurgling noises, comfortably lying on his mother. “He looks exactly like Lindsey. Anyone who will look into those eyes will know, who the father is.”

“Lindsey’s not the only man with blue eyes.”

“You’re just being defensive. Doesn’t your heart ache that your son won’t know his father?”

“I’ll have to be good enough to substitute him.”

“We’ve been friends for a long time, you can tell me, what it is. The real reason behind this.”

Stevie wasn’t quick enough to wipe away a tear. “What if we fail?”

“You’re afraid of your relationship not working?”

“Yes… Of course I want him in Aaron’s life and I think Lindsey might be the most wonderful father, but I couldn’t make it if he broke my heart again. It’s better this way.”

“Is it really?”

“I have to believe it is.”

“Stevie, you’re not happy. You wanted to be a mom and you are now, and that’s great, but your life isn’t complete yet.”

“Can we please stop talking about this?”

“Okay, sure. But one more thing.”

“What?”

“Are you attending the wedding?”

“I am.”

Christine had another thing or two to say after hearing the answer, but decided to keep it to herself. “I’m in no rush, I could spend some time with Aaron and you catch up on sleep.”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t want to trouble you.”

“Stevie, seriously? Just give him here.” She took the baby from Stevie and cradled him in her arms. “Go, we’ll be fine.”

“You should be, I fed him not long ago.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Christine smiled.

“I don’t know how to thank you.”

“No need, that’s what friends are for.”

Stevie took another look at her son, he was a copy of his father, Christine was right.

~

I've had this idea in my head for a while and I just love writing about Stevie and babies!