Promise. (Manthony)

Twenty

     Mitchel lets out a loud laugh. His eyes becoming smaller as his smile becomes wider. It was the simple things about Mitchel that made my world light up with joy. I loved the way his body moved in sync with our music when we performed and I loved the way he invested himself in every performance. 

He brought out so much energy in us and the crowd. I knew it was tiring and he used a lot of energy doing it but it made the fans tell everyone how amazing our shows were. 

None of us had imaged us growing the way we have lately but I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

"I cannot believe we were that stupid as kids."

"No, no, no," I say between laughs. "We literally wrote "Ms. Johnson likes to eat rocks all over the bathroom stalls." I remind Mitchel as we both double over in laughter. 

"That poor woman. We made her life hell for sure." Mitchel takes a few deep breaths as our laughter dies down. 

"We were really ruthless. I think that was one of the peaks of our friendship though." Mitchel nods along in agreement. 

"What was another?" He questions curiously. I think for a moment. There were probably several but it was as if my mind suddenly drew a blank. I wanted to say something though because I looked stupid sitting here unable to say at least one. 

"Starting the band. We knew each other from the beginning of high school and maybe without the band we wouldn't be sitting here right now." I say to him honestly. Mitchel looks down at his fingers with a small smile rested on his lips. 

"I don't know what I'd do without you here with me. I'd be hella lost. You've been here with me throughout the hardest times of my life."

I glance up at Mitchel. Biting down on my lip out of a nervous habit. "Same to you." Was all I could manage to say. I no longer felt like I was being my true and authentic with Mitchel anymore. How I felt towards him was such a huge part of my life that I couldn't tell him. Without him knowing this fact then anything and everything else was difficult to talk about. I had never realized how much love could cloud one's mind. 

"Have you met anyone?" Mitchel asks me. "No," I reply curtly. "No one I'm interested in anyway." In some weird way it was endearing to me the way he asked once in a while. It showed that he cared and that even if he didn't have feelings for me that he wanted me to find someone to be happy with.

"Have you?" I make the bold decision to ask. He shrugs. "I think." 

My heart falls to the floor. I swallow hard. Dumbfounded by this information. I should've known him asking me was a set up to tell me he found someone else. 

"Y-you have?" Mitchel pulls his leg up close to his body. Resting his chin on his knee. "She's really pretty. Her name's Taylor." He tells me emphatically. He begins to explain what she looks like but I tune out. All I could focus on was the admiration in his eyes. The admiration I'd never receive.  

"She sounds beautiful." I lie. That's it. That smile. That admiration. That look of being so fascinated by someone that you couldn't wrap your mind around it. I wanted that when he looked at me. But I never got it. 

All these ex's, Jordan, and now this girl named Taylor. I was simply never good enough. No matter how hard I tried for him. 

I felt that no one could understand my thoughts. Maybe I sounded like a jealous asshole (I kind of was) but what we went through together seemed honest and true. I understood being scared but pretending it never happened didn't sit right. I sincerely thought the conversation and our agreement would be a good enough ending but it wasn't. Nothing was.