Brotherly Love

34 * I Don't Deserve It

"That's Delilah," he said puffing out his chest, "My wife."

"What!" I screamed at him and punched him in the arm, "You got hitched?" He laughed and shook his head.

Once inside I told them a little about the things pop has been doing. No major details, like Tony or Michael, I didn't think Merle would react well to that news either, so I kept that to myself and suffered in silence over it. I ended up staying with Merle and Delilah for a year. They fought constantly. Merle hated her but loved her at the same time. He never once cheated on her and for Merle that was saying something. I couldn't say the same for her though. One night Merle was out late I caught her with one of Merle's friends. I saw red. I was gone by the time Merle made it home to the empty house. When I came in covered in mud he didn't ask any questions. He stared at me, mouth wide for a minute before I told him about what she had done. Merle went to his buddies' house and found him laying in a puddle of blood. He saw the cops driving through making there rounds and he fired a shot from the pistol he found lying on the floor. Before he could do or say anything sirens were flashing outside and they were putting cuffs on my brother. He served some jail time for that and everyone just assumed that his cheating wife had left town but that's one body that will never be found. I made sure of that. Because little sister don't miss when she aims her gun.

I had stopped walking now as I remembered that. I sat down on the grass in the middle of everything as I remembered the last time I had seen Merle. I was on my own after that. They locked my brother up for a crime he didn't commit and he never said a word. He took the fall for something I did and I'd do again in a heartbeat. I wasn't going to let her get away with running around on my brother like that. Same way he would have for me. We were Dixons and we had a code. I'm a horrible person. Now my thoughts drifted to Rick. He thinks he loves me but what if he knew about Tony and Michael, what if he knew what I had done to Delilah? There is no way he could love me. Rick is too good a guy. I don't deserve him or his love. I sat there thinking about all the bad things I've done and all the reasons I don't deserve Rick and I fell backwards on the grass. "Rox," Daryl's voice called out softly from beside me, "It's gettin' late. You comin' back inside?" I jumped up to my feet and looked into my brother's eyes. "Yeah, right behind ya bro," I said forcing a smile on my face.

As we walked back to my door I saw Rick standing there waiting on us. I started inside when Daryl finally spoke, "I think I'm goin' to my room tonight, Rox. Carol's been missin' me I think. You mind if Rick takes my place?" I don't think he expected me to turn and look at him because when I did I caught him tossing Rick a wink. "What the hell is that about bro?"

"What?"

"That wink," I said as I glared at him and Rick, "I'm not stupid. What are you two planning?" Rick took my be the arm and just smiled as he walked inside with me. He had brought two plates up for dinner and they sat on the table. He pulled out a chair for me to sit in and then sat across from me once he had me settled. I started eating, slowly as he just sat there staring at me. I finally looked up at him, "What?" I asked, "Do I have food hangin' out of mouth?" He shook his head. "I'm falling for you Roxanne. I want to be there for you to lean on when you're going through, whatever it is you're going through." He leaned back in his chair, "You can talk to me."

"You don't know nothin' about me," I said staring right back into his eyes, "If you knew the things in my past, the things I've done you would change your mind about me." He just shook his head in disbelief. "I've done some things too just to survive," I stopped him there. "No, Rick, I've done bad things before the world went to shit. Things that a man like you wouldn't want anything to do with. You could never be with someone like me." He reached over putting his hand on top of mine, "Yeah, I would. And I do, I don't care about what you've done in the past. It's belongs right where it's at, in the past. All I'm worried about is right now, and right now, I want you." He stood up pulling me with him and into his arms as he hugged me. I felt tears forming in my eyes. I pushed back and looked him in the eyes again before playfully shoving him back. "What the hell, Rick? You're about to make me cry, and Dixons don't cry." He chuckled as he brought his hand up to my face and rubbed his thumb back and forth across my cheek before pressing his lips to mine. After the brief kiss Rick started to pull away but I held on to him tighter and deepened the kiss instead. His lips felt so good against mine and I didn't want to let go. I needed him, now more than ever.

I started unbuttoning his shirt without breaking the kiss as he started trailing down my neck causing me to moan softly. I got the last button open and slid my hands up his chest sliding his shirt off his shoulders and slamming my lips onto his again. I pulled him toward the bedroom and he stopped in the doorway. "Roxanne, are you sure you're ready for this? I don't want to do this if you're not ready." I smiled as I spun us around and pushed him backward onto the bed. I pulled my shirt over my head and crawled over him placing soft kisses all the way up his chest before ending up at his lips again. He put his hand on the back of my head and tangled his fingers in my long, dark hair before flipping over so he was on top of me. I fumbled at the button on his jeans and finally managed to get it open sliding them down. He kicked them the rest of the way off and then started pulling at mine. "I need you," I whispered as he was trailing kisses across my abdomen, "I need you so bad right now, Rick." He brought himself up meeting his darkening lust-filled blue eyes with my brown ones, the only thing of my mother's I had, and Rick seemed to be so lost in them right now. He grunted at my husky utterance and ground his hips against mine. I could feel his stiffening member as it pressed against the inside of my thigh and my heart started pounding hard in my chest at the anticipation of him sliding inside me. He flicked my hardening nipples with his tongue causing me to cry out now, "Rick!" He buried his face deeper into my skin as he moaned in return grinding harder into me. He stood for a second sliding his boxers off and flinging them across the room before pouncing on me again. He held himself above me as his tip played at my entrance, teasing me and making me ache for the rest of it. I kissed him and pulled him down on top of me sliding him in slowly. Our breaths, our moans matched each other as the passion erupted. I called his name over and over again causing his stroke to gain speed as he thrust in and out until we both reached our climax. His muscles tightened as he reached his release and collapsed on top of me. His lips landed on my shoulder as he gently kissed it. I wrapped my arms around him feeling the warmth of his skin against mine and I didn't move. Eventually, Rick did the moving as he rolled onto his side draping his arm across my middle and propping his head on his hand so he could stare at me. I chuckled, "Quit it."

"Quit what?"

"Staring at me. You're making me self conscious." He laughed at me as he started tracing my scars again and placing strategic kisses. The last place his lips touched was right over my heart. Now he hovered over that spot. "I found the biggest scar," he whispered his warm breath and his beard tickling my skin, "Will you let me try to help it heal?" I leaned my head to look at him as he stared into my eyes not leaving his spot. I smiled and nodded my head as he straightened and lay his head on my shoulder. "I love you Roxanne," he whispered as he ran his fingers across my skin. I shivered and froze. I couldn't answer, I couldn't say anything. I knew better. He can't really love me. This was just a heat of the moment thing, he was just saying it because we had just had sex. I turned to look at him again seeing that he was now sound asleep. I was actually glad that guys could just fall asleep like that because he didn't have to know that I didn't answer, he doesn't have to know how freaked out I am right now.