The Setting Sun by Osamu Dazai

CHAPTER TWO / FIRE

"I understand perfectly," said the mayor nodding. He spoke for a few minutes with the policeman, thensaid, "We'll be going now. Please remember me to your mother." They all left except for the policeman,who walked up to me, and in a voice so faint it was only a breathing said, "No report will be made onwhat happened tonight."

After he had gone Mr. Nakai asked in a tense voice what the policeman had said. I answered, "He toldme that they wouldn't make a report." The neighbors who were still standing around apparently caught mywords, for they began gradually to drift away, murmuring expressions of relief. Mr. Nakai wished me agood night and started off. Then I stood alone, my mind a blank, by the burned woodpile. In tears I lookedup at the sky, and I could see the first traces of the dawn.

I went to wash my hands, feet, and face. Somehow the thought of appearing before Mother frightenedme, and I idled around the bathroom, arranging my hair. I went then to the kitchen where I spent the timeuntil it grew light in making a quite unnecessary rearrangement of the cooking utensils.

I tiptoed to Mother's room only to find that she was already completely dressed and seated, lookingabsolutely exhausted, in an armchair. She smiled when she saw me, but her face was dreadfully pale.

I did not smile in return but stood without a word behind her chair. After a little while, Mother said, "Itwasn't anything, was it? Only firewood that was meant to be burned."

I was swept by a wave of happiness. I remembered from childhood Sunday school classes the proverbin the Bible, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver," and I thanked God from thebottom of my heart for my good fortune in having a mother so full of tenderness.

After finishing a light breakfast, I set to work disposing of the burned woodpile. Osaki, theproprietress of the village inn, came trotting up from the garden gate. "What happened? I just heard aboutit. What happened last night?" Tears shone in her eyes.

"I am sorry," I murmured in apology.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. What about the police?"

"They said it was all right."

"Oh, that's a relief." She looked genuinely glad.

I discussed with Osaki how I should express my thanks and apologies to the village. She was of theopinion that money would be most suitable and suggested the houses I should visit with presents of moneyand apologies. She added, "If you had rather not make the rounds all by yourself, I'll join you.

"It would be best, wouldn't it, for me to go alone?"

"Can you manage it alone? If you can, it would be."

"I'll go alone."

When I had finished disposing of the wood, I asked Mother for some money which I wrapped in littlepackets of 100 yen each. On the outside I wrote the words "With apologies."

I called first at the village hall. The mayor was out, and I gave the packet to the girl at the receptiondesk saying, "What I did last night was unpardonable, but from now on I shall be most careful. Pleaseforgive me and convey my apologies to the mayor."

I next visited the house of the fire chief. He himself came to the door. He gave me a sad little smile butdid not say anything. For some reason, I burst into tears. "Please forgive me for last night." I took aprecipitous leave and ran through the streets with the tears pouring down my face. I looked such a frightthat I had to go back home to put on some fresh make-up. I was just about to set out again when Motherappeared. "Not finished yet? Where are you going this time?"

"I've only just begun," I answered, not lifting my face.

"It must be a terrible ordeal for you." Mother's tone was warmly understanding. It was her love whichgave me the strength to make all the rest of the calls, this time without once weeping.