I don't know what to do! I got fired from BJ's two weeks ago for sleeping in the break room and forgetting to greet the customers as they walked into the store. I asked my brother Kyle what to do and he told me I need a resume. He told me a resume is what tells someone your education, employment history, and tells the person you want to work for who you are. My brother talked to his friend David, the manager of Stop N Shop and said I can have a interview on the twenty seventh which is today. But to top it all off my interview is scheduled for four o'clock and it's three o'clock now. I haven't started the resume at all. Instead I watched the Battlestar Galactica marathon, so I have an excuse, a very good, action packed, beautifully written excuse.
So I have one hour to write out my resume, get dressed, clean myself up, drive to Stop N Shop and talk to David. I once finished a twenty five paper in twenty four hours, how hard can this be? I just need my bag of spicy Cheetos from the pantry and I can get started. Wow! My pantry is a mess! I wonder if I have time to clean it up? Should take me like a minute.
Okay the pantry is clean, but where are my spicy Cheetos? Oh yeah I put them in the fridge because Kyle told me Cheetos taste better cold, but that was four months ago. Jesus! The fridge is even worse than the pantry! There's old takeout, a broken pickle jar with pickle juice pouring out of it, a dead mouse that ate moldy cheese and my Cheetos. Well it took me five minutes to clean a pantry it should take me the same amount of time to clean a fridge.
That took fifteen minutes! That means I only have forty to get ready for my interview! At least I have my spicy Cheetos. What? Why are all the Cheetos moldy? It's like each one has a green beard. Like Duck Dynasty met The Grinch. I can't eat these, but I need something to munch on while I'm writing or I'll lose focus. And I can't get the thought of cheesy goodness out of my head. I guess I can run to Dollar General down the street and pick up a bag. I don't want to waste time, but I want these Cheetos so bad. Besides it won't take me that long.
Holy crap! Twenty minutes to get a bag of Cheetos! I have to start the resume and get dressed now or I'll miss the interview! Nineteen minutes! Oh no the clocks ticking! I need my dress shirt and my dress pants, I also need my dress shoes! First let me have a Cheeto. I worked so hard for them, might as well have one and have the rest when I get back. Oh my God it taste so good! Let me lie down on the couch for a second. Has the couch always been this soft? Just one more Cheeto. So delicious! Wait, I can start relaxing now I have to get ready for the interview! Oh I must have hit the remote while was getting up from the couch. The DVR is almost full. I can delete some stuff before I get ready. (Gasp) I recorded the Battlestar Galactica marathon! You know what? Screw the interview! My brothers the manager at BJ's so I'll just beg him for my job back. And while I wait for him to come home from work, I will get to watching all five hours of the marathon. Battlestar Galactica is the best show ever!
