Minho had locked me up before. When I was in high school, I was locked in the dark and humid utility room at home. The reason is that after school that day, I didn't obediently get in the car he sent to pick me up. Instead, I took a detour to attend a classmate's birthday party.
I hadn't told him in advance where I was going. Minho didn't allow me to go places like karaoke. When he pushed open the door with a dark face, I was about to drink a glass of alcohol. When I saw him, I almost choked on the liquid. That was the first time I saw him get angry.
I was still stunned when he stuffed me into the back seat. I didn't know if I should admit my mistake or ask how he knew I was here. He finally was willing to glance at me when we arrived home.
I put on the most pitiful appearance in the past ten years. "Hyung, I just went to my classmate's birthday party. I won't do this a second time, I promise, don't be angry."
He looked out the window and smiled, repeating the word 'hyung' for a few times. After parking the car, he turned his head to look at me. He had a very cold expression on his face. "Have you always considered me as a brother?"
My instincts tell me he didn't want to hear 'yes', but I didn't know him well enough to read his mind. So I could only repeat with an aegyo tone over and over again.
"You're my best hyung."
This had always worked for him, but it failed on that day. He squeezed my chin with his thumb and pointer fingers. "But baby didn't listen to his hyung obediently."
I am really afraid of being locked up in the utility room, afraid of its dark environment with inexplicable dampness. Humidity always seems to be related to stickiness, like sweating after a gym class in summer. The stickiness is annoying, but I have no other choice but to endure it. I'm so sleepy, but I don't dare to fall asleep. The wanton smell of musty air can suffocate me. It's so dark and dirty here, I'm also covered with dust and mold. It seems that as if I close my eyes, I will rot here.
He locked me up for nearly three days. He came here once and asked me through the door if I knew I was wrong. I don't know what I did wrong, the gradual loss of physical strength can no longer support my brain to think, and even my vocal cords can't make any syllables out. In the end, I couldn't answer his question, I only heard his cold laugh.
"What to do, the place you stay is full of mice and bugs. Do you dare to fall asleep? How ugly it would be to die inside."
I heard his voice, but I didn't have the energy to digest what he had said. I curled up instinctively, and looked down at my arm, where I had bitten it and there seemed to be a bit of blood in my mouth. But I felt no pain, instead dizziness.
Will he throw me out? Suddenly such a thought came into my mind. I remember that rainy day many years ago, the house was tightly wrapped in white and black cloth, and the sky was dark and dull. Mom and Dad's bodies lay in a sealed square box.
Someone was talking in the crying behind me, saying that I was a catastrophe. Even in the car accident, I was the only one left to live. It was destined for me to be abandoned.
At that time, I looked at the two black-and-white photos in front of me. I didn't understand why they were saying that to me. Only when his mother embraced me, did I realize that Mom and Dad had gone, leaving me alone here.
And then I saw him, wearing a white suit. He held my hand slowly and gently as if he was coaxing me. "Don't be afraid, come home with me."
Since the first time I went home with him, it had always been just us. If he punished me, it must be because I really made big mistakes. He sentenced me to enter the end of the world before the earth. How can I resist? In the end, I can only hope that he will come to this small and suffocating place, and be my saviour.
I crawled over and pounded on the door hard. Tears flowed all over my face unknowingly. I don't know if he can hear me or if he's even at home, but I just stubbornly shout, "Minho hyung, I'm sorry! Please don't leave me here alone."
When I woke up again, I was in his room. He took a shower for me and wrapped me in a blanket. I struggled to get up, and he pulled me into his arms. I felt his heartbeat, which made me feel no worries.
He fed me the porridge, and I swallowed all of it obediently. He smiled and said that I was a really good boy who knew what was wrong, and then rubbed his nose on my earlobe affectionately. It was a completely overstepped move, but I desperately needed it, I couldn't live without him.
When he parted my lips, I was thinking, we were completely messed up now. Do we still have a chance to go back to a normal sibling relationship? But the Minho from before would never kiss me so passionately and hug me, he would only touch my head for some time to convey a vague sense of security. So I thought again, this is good, as I had the feeling I was needed.
