Home

II

          "Umm yes" I replied, he seemed to know what he was doing, he set his bag down and took a seat, I feel like anything I do in this situation will be a mistake. Stop being weird Harry goddamn.

"That's Zayn, he's the secretary" Liam pointed to him.

           "Shut up Liam" he replied. Liam just sighed and took a seat in one of the empty chairs, both of them seemed to know what they're doing, I feel painfully out of place.

"Aren't you going to sit?" This is the worst, I want to leave, they can see everything, I sat down on one of the seats even though it was dusty, I don't think I can handle the awkwardness of having to dust off my seat. I'm so pathetic, my legs were shaking underneath the table, I feel like everything I had ever eaten was rising into my throat desperate to be let out. Time feels like jelly, I'm not really sure what that means but this minute feels like an eternity, neither of us are saying anything, the more time that passes the worse it gets. It hasn't even been that long. This whole thing is a huge mistake. Zayn was now sitting up and rubbing his eyes, I hadn't really noticed him before, then again I am the token socially anxious character so I wouldn't exactly know too many people.

          "Where's Louis" Zayn finally broke the silence. My hands were beginning to shake violently, what's wrong with me, nothing is even happening. 

"I need to leave" I said way too loud, I quickly got out of my seat.

         "Wai-" I was already out the door and was now basically running down the halls, well it's not unexpected but an anxiety attack on my first day of school is a new low. My legs didn't stop sprinting until I was at the school gate, I collapsed onto the ground, my chest hurt and so did my legs and I could still feel the aftershocks of the anxiety. Whenever I think I've hit rock bottom, I always seem to find myself even lower a few days later.

"Harry?" I looked up to find a honda civic in possibly the worst shape I had ever seen a car in.

         "Niall! Just the person I wanted to see" He's the aforementioned only friend I have.

"Are you okay?" 

         "I'm at the top of the world, do I not look like I am?" I say as I'm still curled up on the ground in a heap of regret and cramping muscles.

"Just get in" he sighs, I comply with him partly because I'm too exhausted to do anything else. His car always had a very specific smell. "Where is your bag by the way?" He asked whilst starting the car. Reality really is such a slap in the face I must have left my bag back in the council room, when it rains it pours huh.

          "It's fine" I lied, just the thought of going back there is making my skin crawl, I would rather spend a night without my stuff, it's not like there was anything important in there anyway.

"How was student council?" Niall asked

          "Nothing really happened" excluding the crippling anxiety its not exactly a lie. Neither of us really said anything the ride back, me and Niall had been friends for as long as I could remember, apparently we used to take baths together but that's a memory I'm glad I forgot. I think our friendship has more to do with the fact that we grew up together rather than us being actually compatible but I don't really mind, he's a good friend to me, I'm not really sure why he sticks around though, he's quite popular himself I don't think hanging around a social outcast helps with that but its best not to think about it.

"Wanna drive around for a while?" he offered

           "Why not?" We did this most times we hung out, this or playing video games, I guess you kind of run out of new things to say to each other when you've known each other this long, sometimes I worry about it but when me and Niall are together it never comes up. He lives down the street from me and we've spent an alarmingly long time together so I think the awkwardness has pretty much worn off if it ever existed. We could spend hours together without saying a word, that's just how it is I guess, he was a pretty good friend and the fact that he has a car albeit a pretty shit one does help, he loves the car like his own child, I wish I could be more like him. 

"The football captain is the president" I mumbled resting my head against the window.

          "I know! It's ridiculous, he already has his hands full with the football team and now he wants to be president?!!" He gets pretty passionate when it comes to football, Niall is on the team but I don't really know anything about football to even know what position he plays, I don't think I have ever sat through a match from beginning to end. "Did you meet the adviser yet?" 

"Not that I know of"

           "He's supposed to be pretty fucked up" we should get along just fine then. 

"Why?"

          "Well I only know rumours about him, apparently he's an ex-convict" 

"Please don't tell me you would believe something like that" 

          "I don't" Niall broke out into his usual himbo grin "but he used to be on the football team,   it seems he jumped out of the car and broke his leg" he sounded more serious this time.

"I highly doubt that" I mumbled resting my head on the window, we continued driving down the exact same streets we had been seeing all our lives, I could recognise every single driveway and tree, just the thought of spending every single day doing the exact same things I always have makes me want to shriek, how could anyone ever say being alive is a blessing? I just don't understand how humans have made things so fucked up. I can't imagine being happy anywhere else either so maybe I am the problem, I should stop cursing my home and the people around me then but I can't seem to stop. 

          "Wanna come over to mine?" Niall offered pulling up at my driveway.

"No, I think I'll just go home tonight" he probably wants to hang out with his other friends anyway, I stood at my door step, I could smell my mother cooking inside, I hate it when she does this, why does she try so hard to be a family I think it's already been established that we aren't capable of it. I've never really liked my house, it's a pretty big house, probably someone else's suburban dream, it has a picket white fence and a slanted roof, its a perfect house but it never felt like home to me, just somewhere to end my day at.

          "I'm back" I finally stepped in, the insides of my house were just as perfect as the outside, the walls were white with overhead lighting, the floors were wooden, it was always somehow cold, when I was younger I used to wish my house was smaller like my classmate's. I thought that if my house was smaller maybe my family would have been closer, a smaller house couldn't have helped us though.  

"Come and eat Harry" my mother called out from inside the kitchen, I found her reading at the dining table which had been perfectly set even though we barely ever ate together. This had fallen into my routine by now. She always reads to distract herself.  

            "I already ate with Niall" 

"Okay, I'll just keep it in the fridge then" sometimes I wish she didn't believe me, but it's my fault for always being untruthful.

"Oh by the way one of your friends dropped by and returned your schoolbag" 

             "Friends?"

"He said his name was Louis, you don't know him?" 

             "Not exactly"