The Dark of You (GxG)

39. Break the chain

Here I thought that I had made up my mind that I wouldn't be good enough for her. Yet, the look on her face when I just touched her made me give in. The peace that settled on her brought me overboard. I guess that is why they say that we choose our battles, and this is not a battle I want to fight. For the first time in my life, I wish to lose.

"I want you," I whispered. Something shifted in Rylan as if it was a wake-up call. Her eyes narrowed as she gazed at me with a stern look in her blue eyes. I have come to realize that is how she watches me when something powerful enters her mind. Something that requires her to think for a moment. For a while, I have misunderstood it as anger, but now I know it means that her head twists and turns to make up her mind on what to say or do.

With a slight smile, I laid both my hands on her cheeks.

"You don't have to say anything, Rylan," She clenched and unclenched her jaw in discomfort. Then before I could even blink, she laid her hands on my hips to lift me. With a speeding heart, I wrapped my arms around her neck as my legs found her waist. My grip around her firm body tightened as she started to move.

A nervous laugh escaped me as she leaned us down onto the bed slowly. Still, I couldn't find myself losing my grip around her. Rylan gazed softly into my eyes as she rested her forehead on mine. Worry dug into my chest as she closed her eyes roughly as if she was in a great deal of pain.

"What is it?" I asked and laid my hands on her cheeks.

"I don't break rules," She struggled to say as her eyes met mine again and it was almost as if reality hit me like a slap in the face.

"I know, Rylan," I tried to smile, but then a tiny chuckle escaped me and she narrowed her eyes.

"I, the person who gives a crap about rules and order, wants someone who prefers to maintain them," I said and she smiled faintly.

"After all this time, I thought I wanted my freedom, but you," I let out a deep breath.

"I want you more," The words slipped out of me so easily that they shocked me as much as they did Rylan.

"I know how that sounds," I chuckled as I didn't really understand it myself.

"For so long, all I wanted was to get rid of you, but you, Rylan, are not like any other person. You have the opposite effect on me," I bit my lip for a second as she watched me with that intent look in her eyes. It's as if nothing else in the world means a thing anymore.

"You keep me grounded and for some odd reason, I don't want to disappoint you," She tilted her head as confusion came into her eyes.

"There's something about you that always drives me into the right path because I," A blush took over my face as I dreaded to admit the words that want to come out.

"I want to make you proud," I rolled my eyes off myself and closed them as I needed to cringe. I could feel Rylan take a deep breath above me and I had to open my eyes. Right now, I wish she could tell me something, but at the same time, her quietness is safe. I bite my lip as the misery in her blue eyes tears at me. How can someone so tender be in so much pain?

"You have a shadow on your soul, Rylan," I swallowed deeply as those words were weightful and she clenched her jaw as she furrowed her eyebrows. Sometimes reading her can be difficult, but once in a while, her face gives everything away.

"And you have locked that beautiful heart of yours away in a cage, but once in a while, you let it out," I smiled as I stroked her cheeks with my fingertips so gentle as if I'm scared, she would break between my hands if not.

"You talk about me, but you, Rylan, when you let yourself out, you are beautiful," I said, but the intense frown on her face made my heart sink.

"You don't have to be alone," I placed my pointy finger on her forehead.

"And you don't have to be all alone in there either," I smiled faintly as I tapped on her head.

"You punish yourself for something. I don't know what it is, and I won't force you to tell me, but silence is the weight that drowns you and you have for so long. At some point, you'll have to break the chain and come back up," A pair of soft, thoughtful eyes went over me. Her lips parted for a while as if words wanted to come out, but a knock on the door made both of us freeze.

"Hadley," Lola shouted through the door and knocked again.

"Mom was wondering if you wanted to help us with dinner?" She asked and I smiled at the question. I like how much they want to include me in everything around here.

"I'll be there in a moment," I replied.

"Okay," She said and my attention went back to Rylan as she stood up from the bed. She reached me her hand. Gently she helped me up to my feet and I looked up into her eyes as I laid my hands on her collarbones.

"You need to break the chain, Rylan," 

I don't think I want to know how long I spent just reading through half of this chapter today (30.07.22). I have most of the time been patient and been able to focus through them. However today my ADHD has scrambled my brain. I read the words, but I can't concentrate and nothing is processing. It happens sometimes. It basically feels like my brain has 10 000 TVs, with different channels playing at the same time. So I decided halfway through reading it that I won't force myself. My writing is not perfect and it never will be. But I try to do it as well as I can. Yet, sometimes my brain won't corporate and if you see mistakes then I apologize. English is not my native language, I'm dyslexic and I have inattentive ADHD. The school system, unfortunately, didn't pick up on my ADHD, and the school's teaching system is not really suited for those with ADHD. However, I've noticed that even though my writing is not perfect, you still like the stories I tell. I appreciate it a lot. The votes and especially the comments fuel my dopamine which brings me motivation and a reward for my effort. So thank you. 

This took me 45 min to write. 

-Dreamondreamer96