Forever Young

Chapter 43

The front door opened, and for a moment I was worried that it would be more vampires. But it was just Renesmee, coming inside- she had been down by the river since before the Siobhan's coven had arrived. She entered the living room and paused, her eyes wide as she took in the red eyes looking at her. Finally, a reasonable reaction.

"Aunty Siobhan!" Nessie threw herself into the big woman's arms, and I stifled a sigh. Or not. My sister was just as taken with them as the rest of the family.

Renesmee laughed giddily, moving over to pull Maggie into a hug, too. Ness was taller than the girl, but Maggie didn't seem to mind.

Siobhan grabbed Renesmee by the shoulders, looking her up and down. "I don't believe it," she teased. "How can this beautiful woman be our little Nessie? You've grown into a charming young lady."

I felt a twinge of jealousy- nobody would ever look at me and carry on about how much I had grown, or how I was going from child to woman. Edward's hand patted my shoulder, but I pulled away, sliding off his lap and crossing my arms self-consciously over my eternally flat chest.

It wasn't fair. I wanted to grow, too. I wanted people to be proud of me for something more than me doing chores, or going to bed on time.

Through the commotion and happy conversation, Maggie's eyes met mine. She silently moved through the crowd of vampires, coming to stand in front of me. "Are you alright?"

I nodded, then winced when I saw her expression. She knew I was lying, of course. So now on top of seeing me as a little kid, she though I was a liar, too. Perfect.

Turning away, I started making my way up the stairs. "Excuse me," I mumbled, noticing how Koda scrambled to his feet to follow me up. Edward's eyes met mine, too, and I saw him move to stand up. But I shook my head at him, not in the mood for one of his 'you're special, too' lectures. He hesitated, and then slowly sat back down.

Nobody else noticed my departure. Not even my parents- they were focused on the conversation, still centered around what an amazing woman Renesmee was.

I would never get to be called an amazing woman. Or even a good woman. I would never be a woman, at all. It was an aspect of my immortal existence I had thought I was at peace with, but now I felt a sharp bite of jealousy in my chest as I once again assessed the physical differences between myself and Renesmee.

Koda's hand grasped mine as I made my way up the stairs. He looked at me in confusion, not knowing what had caused me to pull away from Edward and leave the room so suddenly. But he didn't ask, and I appreciated that.

When we made it to our bedroom, I peeled off my dress and climbed into bed in my underwear. I didn't care enough to put on pajamas. Takoda seemed even more confused by this- he knew how much I hated naptime, so of course he wouldn't understand why I wanted to take an early one. But Esme had told us that we were expected downstairs. A nap was the only way I could maybe avoid trouble for coming back up here, and even that was preferable to staying downstairs and listening to everyone go on and on about how amazing Renesmee's growth had been- growth that I would never even get to attempt to mimic.

Nessie got to grow tall and have boobs and curves- she got to look like a real adult. I was eternally short and skinny, with a flat chest and rounded cheeks. Why did I have to be stuck at such an awkward age? Not quite an adorable and chubby toddler, not quite a developing teenager. I got stuck at one of the most awkward phases possible. I wasn't abundantly cute and innocent. I wasn't pretty and tall and a 'beautiful young woman', as Renesmee was. I was just a strange, thin, short thing- not quite human, not quite vampire, and not quite able to fit in anywhere. Even with my family present, I had been humiliatingly standoffish and nervous in front of these other vampires.