make you feel okay

prologue

"Disgusting! I would never," I groan. "He's like, old!" I imagine Billie's brother, with his messy red hair and skinny jeans. He's always hanging around his buddies in Billie's garage with his startup band just like every other eighteen year old in LA. But at least he's talented. Some of the garage bands I've heard practicing on the way home from school should legally be broken up for the sake of all their neighbors.

"Then spit it out, who's your first kiss?!" Billie presses, shaking my shoulder. She and Drew both look at me expectantly, and I groan loudly.

"Shut up and I'll tell you then," I shoot back at her, trying to cover up the redness in my cheeks. I don't like this game anymore. It was fun until I had to reveal my most embarrassing secret. Of course, it doesn't help that Billie and Drew are two of the most intimidating people I know. They both always seem to know more than I do about everything, and sometimes I don't even know how they know where to find the things they do.

"Ohmygod, don't tell me," Drew whispers. She grins widely. "Have you never kissed anyone??" I can't even conceal my embarrassment now. I must be the same shade as the cherry blossoms lining the road leading out of the Tokyo airport. Drew's jaw drops at my obvious response. "You've got to be kidding!"

Billie tips her head to one side and eyes me mischievously. "Really? Not even a peck??" She presses, leaning closer to me, her shoulder brushing her cheek.

I shove her away. "Truth or dare, Billie?" I answer her question with a question, wanting to move on. She rolls her eyes, the smile fading from her lips.

"You're no fun!" She pouts, crossing her arms. But the mischievous glint in her eye hasn't faded, and I can see the corners of her lips turning up into an irresistible grin. "You've really never kissed anyone?" I shrug.

"Is it that big of a deal? I'm only fourteen, I have plenty of time." I tell her.

Drew shrugs, clearly no longer invested in the conversation. I don't have any juicy gossip on who is and isn't a good kisser, I guess. She nods back to Billie. "Ok, ok, Billie you haven't answered. Truth or dare?"

The answer is immediate. "Dare!" She cries, sitting up and crossing her legs on the bed. The pillow we've been tossing finds itself squarely in her lap, and she hugs it like a stuffed toy.

Drew grins widely. She looks at me. Then at Billie. Then, her eyes narrow. "I dare you to kiss Penny," she says in a low whisper.

My gaze whips over to Billie, who grins widely. She looks me up and down in one smooth motion, clutching the pillow to her chest. She bites her lower lip, and I blush scarlet.

"Alright."

I don't even have the words to protest the dare, because, before I can say anything, Billie is crawling towards me on the bed. She takes my chin firmly in her hand, pulling me closer, still on her knees across from me. I can feel her breath on my cheeks, warm and slow, as she brushes her nose against mine. "As long as you're okay with it?" She whispers in my ear, meeting my eyes. She's so close, I can only look at one of them at a time. My eyes dart back and forth, staring straight into her own exceptionally blue eyes. I nod, but barely. My hand finds its way up her shoulder, resting gently on her chin. And then, she presses her lips against mine.

They're soft, sweet, and inviting. Our eyelashes flutter against one another as she kisses me once, twice, three times, each once leaving more butterflies in the pit of my stomach. She nips at my lower lip once with her teeth, and then pulls away, letting my mouth snap back into place while she stares me down. My hand is still on her cheek. Hers is on mine. She licks her lip once and scrunches her nose, backing away to sit back on the bed like nothing ever happened.

I push a lock of hair back behind my ear from where it fell, and catch my breath. I can't hold back the smile from my face. Billie raises her eyebrows. "That good, huh?" She giggles into the pillow, and Drew does the same. I mirror them, still unsure of how to feel, pushing away the deep, unwavering flutters shivering across my whole body. I want nothing more than to tell her to do it again.

A sharp rap on the hotel door sends us all into a quick silence. The door between our suite and the others swings open a crack, and the stern face of our choir director stares back at us. She puts a finger to her lips. "Go to sleep, girls!" She whispers, her voice cracking. "We have a big day tomorrow, and you'll be sorry if you don't make yourself rest."

"Sorry, Mrs. Hanson," Drew pipes, her voice muffled from her pillow. "We'll go to sleep."

Mrs. Hanson shakes her head, pulling the door shut once more as she mumbles her way back to her bed. Billie, still clutching the pillow, throws back the blanket to the giant bed we all share, shimmying underneath the covers right in the middle of the bed. I do the same, but each time my skin brushes hers, I can't help but remember the sparks that seemed to dance under her touch when she kissed me. I roll over to my side, clutching my pillow tight to my face, and force my eyes to close. I can feel her breath slow against my shoulder as she drifts off. Drew, too.

But I don't get a wink of sleep that night. Nor do I for the rest of the week we spend in Japan.