Incorrect YTTD quotes

01

2:00 AM, at a drugstore.
Mishima: Hello, i'd like to buy th-
Shin: Never knew you went to drugstores, you seem lively.
Mishima: Same goes for you.
Shin: I work here, old man.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Shin: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Kanna: ...Kanna did. Kanna broke it.
Shin: No. No you didn't. Joe?
Joe: Don't look at me. Look at Keiji.
Keiji: What?! I didn't break it.
Joe: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Keiji: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Joe: Suspicious.
Keiji: No, it's not!
Sara: If it matters, probably not, but Reko was the last one to use it.
Reko: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Sara: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Reko: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Sara!
Kanna: Okay let's not fight. Kanna broke it. Let Kanna pay for it, Shin.
Shin: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Keiji: Shin... Joe's been awfully quiet.
Joe: REALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Shin, 10 minutes ago: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Shin: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Shin:
Shin: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Shin: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?
Alice: Nope, absolutely not.
Kai: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.
Reko: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.
Keiji: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.
Sara: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

Sara: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
Joe: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I'd have 15 cents
Sara: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
Nao: Actually I did the math, Joe would have $225, not $0.15.
Joe: Fam I'm right here....
Shin: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Kanna: while you're there could you buy me an apply juice please?
Shin: Sorry I only have a dollar
Kanna: :(
Sara: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Joe would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent
Shin: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice
Keiji: You can buy anything you want with $22,500
Kai: Yeah and he wants soda and apply juice
Sara: Apply juice to what
Ranger: Directly to the forehead
Sara: Great chat everyone

Shin: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Sara: >:O language
Kanna: Yeah watch your fucking language
Shin: OKAY WHO TAUGHT KANNA THE FUCK WORD?
Joe: 'The fuck word'.
Kai: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Joe: Oh my god he censored it
Keiji: Say fuck, Kai.
Shin: Do it, Kai. Say fuck.

Joe: Time for plan G.
Sara: Don't you mean plan B?
Joe: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Keiji: What about plan D?
Joe: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Sara: What about plan E?
Joe: I'm hoping not to use it. Shin dies in plan E.
Sara: I like plan E.

Ranger: Here's a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Safalin: Ranger no.
Midori: Mistlefoe.
Gashu: Please stop encouraging him.