eccedentesiast

PROLOGUE

8 years later.

"Nurse, off na ako" sambit ko sa nurse na naka duty sa may reception.

" Yes po Doc, ingat ka po." sagot naman niya. I gave her a thank-you smile at dali-daling bumaba papunta sa parking lot. Dumiretso ako sa flower shop at bumili ng yellow roses. I also bought a small slice of a chocolate mousse sa isang cafe malapit sa pupuntahan ko. Then I sped up to go to the cementery kung saan siya nakalibing.

" Hoy pangit, happy birthday. Miss na miss kita." Iyan ang pambungad na sabi ko when I reached her grave.

I smiled and dahan-dahang binaba at inayos ang mga binili ko para sa celebration ko ng birthday niya. I looked at the bracelet that was slightly hugging my wrist and slowly looked to where her name is embedded.

Madeliene Deliah Ferada.

Just her name itself screams happiness, joy, and love. 

I remembered how wrecked I am when the doctor announced her time of death. Iyak ako ng iyak hanggang sa wala ng tumutulong luha sa mata ko. Hindi ko alam ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa bang magpatuloy sa mundong ginagalawan ko. I lost her, and everything that I loved.

Kaya ko pa ba?

Yan ang mga salitang binitawan ko para sa sarili ko. There are too much heartbreaks that surrounded me. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung saan pa ako kumuha ng lakas ng loob para tumuloy at isugal ang natitirang pagmamahal na tinira ko para sa sarili ko. 

"Mads, di ko alam kung paano ko kinaya ang walong taon na wala kayo sa tabi ko.Pero lagi akong naniwala na kaya ko. Tignan mo ako ngayon, I am now a licensed surgeon. Nag top ako nung board exams. I always tried my best and gave everything I can to survive. I hope you're proud of me. I hope you all are. You are all my inspiration. Mahal na mahal ko kayo. Always and forever."

I gave the grave one last look before I go. I smiled at myself and looked back to all those memories that we made. Those are life's treasures. It is what I held on when I thought na bibigay na ako. Everything made sense when I became older. I saw how life really is. I saw how the world doesn't end in just a single problem. I learned to accept my fate and be grateful to be this strong even though I face a lot of shit that destroyed every inch of me.

I removed my white coat before I headed to my car. Then I drove to one of the nearest beaches to take a rest after the long day that I had. I sat down at the bridge that was nearby. I let the cold wind embrace the tips of my hair. I let out a sigh as I wander in my own thoughts. I've felt like I was finally forgiving myself, even though everyone told me that it wasn't my fault. They wouldn't understand though, how much I tried to tell myself that it wasn't really mine. But everything's fine now. Everything will be better. It's just a matter of time.

My name is Jade Arix Valerno, and this is my story.