Skipping Stones - Karlnap

•16|Call Back|16•

Let Her Go - Passenger
Infinity - One Direction
—
Tomorrow is Halloween, and Sapnap's head is spinning faster than the Earth's rotation. So many intrusive thoughts bombard his mind and overflow through his ears. He doesn't know which ones to listen to, but it drowns out all other noise, and it takes a few tries for his boss to finally catch his attention.

"Sapnap!" Quackity shakes his young employee by the shoulders and effectively shakes just enough thoughts out of his mind to allow him to process anything else.

Sapnap straightens up and glances over at his boss with frantic eyes. "Huh?"

"Jesus, man, you look awful," Quackity says. "Ghostly."

"I'm just tired." He drops his head back down on the counter. Yes, he's tired; not just because of the lack of sleep throughout the past week, but also tired from his whirring mind. He can't help but constantly think of every little thing he actively wants to avoid. Tired from all his overthinking and constant battles within himself. He's tired of tearing himself apart from the seams, telling himself it's wrong when deep down he knows it's right.

"What's wrong? Everything alright at home?"

"Everything's fine," Sapnap replies, leaning back up and facing the older man. Karl would've been his age by now. According to Quackity, they'd be in Chicago right now. Karl would be a successful animator, and he would be a rich lawyer. Sapnap can't help but wonder what Karl would look like had he lived to this moment. Would he look as youthful as Quackity still does? Would he look as withered as his own parents?

He'll never know. Karl never got a chance to live that long. He never got to experiment with his appearance. Did he ever get to try different hair lengths? Or perhaps dying his hair? Did he ever get to experiment with new clothing and style? He's been a caged bird for so long, and he died right before he got a chance to truly live.

And that... that hurt Sapnap's chest.

"Actually," Sapnap says. "Something is wrong."

"Oh, well talk to me, Sap. I'm here to listen." He leans against the counter, waiting patiently for Sapnap to continue.

Sapnap stares down at the marble design of the counter, and he counts the many dark blob designs within it. "I have to let someone I love go. But I don't want to, Quackity. I-It's my choice. I don't have to. But—I don't know what to do." His throat tightens.

"Hey, hey slow down," Quackity speaks gently. "You say you love this person?"

"Well, maybe. I don't know if I do."

"Okay." He nods. "And that's okay. Why do you have to let them go?"

"Because he's not happy here. But he's happy when he's with me and isn't that reason enough to not let go? Isn't it that when you find something you truly love, you hold on?"

Quackity frowns, "No, Sapnap, I believe the way the saying goes is that if you truly love something, you let it go."

Sapnap's heart picks up as his eyes begin to sting. He's sick of this feeling. He wants it all to go away. All the pain, the frost in his lungs, the heartbreak, the sick anticipation. "I can't let go. He's happy here with me."

"That may be so, but what happens when you leave? I don't expect you to stay here forever."

"I mean, I could stay if I really want to. How special can I really be?"

"You're so special, Sapnap."

His heart aches at the phrase because Karl has told him that so many times before. And now he isn't sure if he'll get to hear him say that again. And it only sounds truthful coming from him. Sapnap isn't sure whether he'll believe it from anyone else. He always feels so special with him. Will he ever feel special again?