Not What You Expected

Chapter Twenty Five

I'm practically just a sitting duck while these memories assault my mind and torment my conscience. Everything I have done in my past is the exact opposite of what I would've done in my current life. I've done so many terrible things in my past, and it feels like the demons of my past have come back to play.

"Do not let your demons control you. Instead, control them. Allow their power over you to now become yours, and use it to control them."

A familiar rant welcomes its way into my mind, and as the words speak, I can't help but imagine Aunt Lillian saying them herself. She used to say it as one of her 'pep talks', or rather, she liked to think of it as a pep talk.

A soft smile graces my lips as so many memories of her raising me flow into my mind, and for once, I don't hate these memories. All of my life I knew what Aunt Lillian had done; she stole me from my mother because she knew that I would be imprisoned like she was, and she didn't want that for me. I never hated her for the decision she made, and I never tried to find my mother, because if my mother had thought it was acceptable to lock me in a deep dark cave for god knows how long, then what kind of mother was she truly? Even if my mother didn't try to lock me in an enchanted cave, and Lillian didn't take me away, what other horrible decisions would my mother have made? I mean, Lillian wasn't the greatest role model, and h*ll, she could've made so many more wise decisions, but that's life....you screw up, you make horrible decisions that haunt you until the day you die and yet, you somehow still find a way to smile, laugh, and even love.

You know, Lillian might not have been the best 'mother figure', but she was all I had, and she did the best she could with what she knew. And I will never hate her for that because to hate a woman who was never even meant to be a mother is purely a selfish and self-piteous thing to do. Plus, she could have abandoned me on the closet doorstep she found, or h*ll, she could've killed me! But she didn't...she sucked it up and made the best of what she knew. Gosh, she was a freaking better mother than I was!

Harsh, but nonetheless true...

The sound of a dog whining brings me out of my thoughts, that seemingly don't belong to me. I'm having to learn which thoughts actually belong to Riley Jane, and which ones belong to Sophia.

It's not as easy as most would think.

I glance down at the wolf, and from the mere size of it, I assume it's a male. I mean, he looks like he is bigger than a decent-sized pony! Maybe even bigger than a sheep!

Maybe almost as big as a Great Dane...

Nope, definitely bigger, and more muscular. As I stare aimlessly at this creature, I can't help but notice that patches of his fur are stained yellow, as if another wolf has been licking him.

That thought leaves a frown on my lips, and I can't help but wonder why? I mean it's obviously not Ethan. As a werewolf, he’s taller than a man and stands on two feet.

Right?

But how would a normal wolf get in here? I glance around the room and realize that the balcony doors are wide open, but how would a wolf climb up so high? I mean, the balcony is quite far from the ground, and can wolves even climb?

I seriously need to focus more on the things around me.

The hunger urges still have yet to leave me, and I'm left to wonder if I should get up and find Jackson to get some blood from him. Or if I should simply ignore the urges and lie in bed all day, drowning in my own self-pity.

Somehow, the second option sounds so much more satisfying than the first.

But I know that if I don't choose the first option, my inner vampire-self will take control, and things will most definitely get bloody.

So with yet another bloody sigh, I pull myself into a sitting position and will myself to get up, but it seems to take an invisible army to convince me to do so. But after a few minutes, my feet finally make contact with the floor, and I lazily make my way to the closest, where I pick out an emerald-green paneled skirt and a black silk blouse that is detailed with beautiful flat mother-of-pearl buttons in matching color. I pair it with a pair of two-inch black heels and throw my messy bed hair into a neat-ish bun. After checking my look in one of the mirrors in the closet, I walk out.

Also, if you were curious as to what I was wearing before, I was in the same clothes.

Thank goodness. I don't think I could've faced them knowing one of them had changed me, female or male.

As I walk past my bed, I barely pay any mind to the giant wolf on my bed. A normal person in their right mind would be freaking out and running for the hills by now, but me? This is actually one of the normal-ish things I have seen in the past few days, and that is saying something!

Just as my hand grasps the handle of the door, a loud yet low growl erupts from deep within the wolf, and before I know it, he is jumping off of the bed and jogging towards me. The sound of his deadly crawls hitting and scraping against the floor as he makes his way towards me echoes throughout the room. With one glance over my shoulder at the predatorial look in his gold eyes, a powerful shiver makes its way throughout my body.

Something deep within me is begging for me to bare my neck and fully submit to this wolf. And then it clicks...there is only one person who has ever made me feel this way, and that person is...

"Ethan."

The name slips off of my tongue so easily and gracefully, as if I have pronounced his name for centuries. I don't even dare to think that this wolf or rather 'werewolf', is anyone but Ethan. I mean, it makes sense. He came here with me, and somehow, I know he would never just willingly leave me by myself while I'm in such a vulnerable state. My heart pangs with joy at the mere thought of him standing, watching over me while I slept. I've never had anyone be as protective as Ethan is with me. I've never had the pleasure of knowing what it feels like to not only look out for myself, but to look out for my lover as well. But now...I can finally let some of my walls down and be happy.

Happy...such a powerful word in a way. I mean, it's truly what most beings long for in life. If it's not love, it's happiness that we all long for, we desire the feeling because when we're happy, it's like nothing else matters. No other emotion gives us the inner satisfaction that happiness does. I mean, sadness makes us feel like failures in everything, and envy mimics sadness in a way, but with envy, jealousy is laced in every action. When there is jealousy, there is hatred, and hatred is a form of anger. Huh, and let's just say that when there is anger, there is vengeance.

And once you get on the path of revenge, there's no going back...

With a soft mumble, I open the door and walk out quietly. The only sounds are the soft clicking sounds that come from my heels gently tapping against the ground. Ethan follows me out of the room before I can close the door, and I actually don't mind that he tags along. I feel safer for him to act as my own personal 'Wolf guard'. Werewolves can kill a vampire in a fight, but it's nearly impossible to do so if the werewolf hasn't had the proper training and such.

After walking through the many halls of the mansion, I finally make it to the dining hall and find only Jackson and Blake eating.

Or rather, their both nursing back IV bags of blood...

"Come drink, my little Kitten..."