Years in the shadow (Hartbig)

Chapter 5

Hannah's POV

"I'm in love with you too." Graces face lit up when she spoke those words. "I mean it Hannah." What had she just said? She's in love with me too? No this can't be happening. This is everything I've ever wanted to here. But Grace isn't in the right place for a relationship, she needs to focus on herself. So Hannah, don't be selfish and just think about yourself. Now isn't the time for this, she's not ready.

"Grace, you have no idea how long I've waited for you to say that. I thought I'd never hear those words, I've been in love with you since the day we met. I'm in love with every single thing about you, your hysterical laugh, your adorable smile, your funny personality, the way you are with your fans, how much you care about other people, how selfless you are, your kindness, your ridiculous puns and your beautiful face, babe, I'm just so in love with you."

I pause, about to speak again but Grace cuts me off with a passionate kiss. Is this really happening? Is thee Grace Helbig actually kissing ME? It's one hundred times better than I ever imagined it. It's like my lips fit to her, like these been made just to fit hers. She brings her hand up and places it on the side of my neck and gently strokes the side of my face with her thumb. I have butterflies. I put my right hand around her upper waist and pull her closer to me, it's almost as even when she's next to me, we could not be more far apart. Grace slowly brakes herself away and looks me straight in the eye, our faces only millimetres apart. Her breathing is slightly ragged, but a smile appears on her face within seconds and she closes her eyes.

"You have no idea how much that meant to me." I say softly, a smile had crept up onto my face, but how could it not? The girl of my dreams had just KISSED me AND she told me she was in love with me. Now the goofiest huge smile was on my face. I really want to kiss her again, but I can't selfish, Grace needs me right now. She needs a friend who she can rely on and help her through this, and I'm gonna make that is me.

"Grace, I don't think this is a good idea right now, you are vulnerable and hurting, and we need to just focus on you right now. Whatever this is," I say whilst pointing between myself and her, smiling "can be put on hold for the time being. Because we are gonna beat this once and for all okay? But when this is over, no matter how long it takes us, I will be right here waiting. Okay?" I try to sound sincere and caring but I don't know how she took that as she's quiet right now. She hasn't said anything. I feel really bad, but it think this is for the best. She's more important right now.

"I guess so." Was all she said. She looks so sad, like she's going to cry. Okay Hannah, you need to try and fix this, she needs to see where your coming from. I think she must think that I've regretted what I've said, that I was just saying those things. Fuck I'm going to have to show her how much I love her.

"Grace, I love you. Nothing is going to change that." She's quiet.
"I just thought" her voice cracks, she clears her throat to start again. Hearing her upset just hurts me so much inside. "I just thought, maybe you were having second thoughts Hannah, that you don't really want to be with me and you just said that to make me feel better." Her eyes are glazed over with tears. Hannah fix this.

"Grace, nothing you do or say could change the way I feel about you. I'm in love with you." She just looks at me.
"Hannah, why would you love me though?!" She raises her voice a little. "I'm ugly. Inside and out. Look at me." She points to herself. When Grace is sad and speaks about herself so lowly it makes me feel like I've been hit with a brick, I just want to make all of her pain go away. I want to make her happy. I just stay quiet.

"Grace, lift up your sleeve."
"Hannah no please don't make me..."
"Grace, lift it up." I say. I might sound harsh and rude just now but I'm going to try make her feel better. Even if it means making her feel worse first.

She slowly lifts it up and dips her head in shame,. Her arm is covered in cuts. This hurts me so fucking much when I see what she's done to herself. But this isn't about you Hannah, this is about Grace.

"Grace look at me." She slowly lifts her head. Tears start to slowly drip down her face, taking her mascara with them.
"Grace, you are beautiful." I say as I slowly bring my head down and her arm up to my lips. I take her other hand in mine and I kiss a harsh cut.
"You are beautiful."

"Hannah what are you doing." Grace voice cracks as she speaks.

I kiss another. "I love you." And another. "You are beautiful." And another. "I love you." I work my way up her arm and I kiss every single cut, repeating the same phrases. I look up at her.

"I love you no matter what okay?" I say to her, looking straight into her eyes. She just nods and starts to cry hard.
"Hannah I love you too, so much." She mumbles through sobs. I pull her into a tight hug and we stay there for a while. Once she stops crying I still don't let her go. We just enjoy being in each other's arms. This is my favourite place.

"Hey Hannah?" Graces calls softly.
"Yes babe?" Shoot, I just called her babe...Too early? I think so.
"Do you want to stay over tonight? Nothing like that, I just want someone to um stay with me I guess..." Of course I would stay, I was going to anyway no matter what she said.
"Grace, if you thought for a minute that I was going anywhere anyway, then you, my dear, thought wrong." I say with a smile on my face. She smiles at me happily and gets up.

"Noooooo where are you going, come back to me and cuddleeee" Woah, who knew those words would ever escape out of my mouth. And especially to Grace.

"Relax Hannah, I'm just going to get a strong drink, what do you want?" Aw she knows me too well. But I don't want her to think that tonight has struck me so much that I need an alcoholic drink to ease it or so I forget anything, so I decline.
"Um nothing alcoholic thanks, just some water thank you" she simply smiles and it gives me butterflies. She's so perfect. I love her so much.