Crushed

A/N: Well, I have no idea how or why I wrote this. It is like a small moment that takes place between Alexander and Hephaestion. Do let me know what it makes you feel.

***

In the balcony of the fort that he had newly conquered, Alexander stood in utmost quietude. He gazed long into the distance to there where the sun god was bidding farewell to the mountains. His mind, it had lost its way and had ventured into a deep jungle of vulnerable thought. He was striving to show it some light and try and bring it out of that jungle.

Soon enough, he heard footsteps, familiar footsteps, in the corridor.

"Come Hephaestion," he exclaimed as the footsteps seemed to have come up to his doorway. He didn't care to look back.

The other man walked up to him and stood behind him, watching. The two men allowed silence to prevail between them for more than a few moments.

"Hephaestion," Alexander spoke at last, sighing, "the woman that put the dream of becoming the emperor of the world into my heart and my eyes, she told me that the day that would witness me living that dream would be the day to fetch me all the happiness in the world. Why did she never tell me that I could just courteously ask of any day to fetch me happiness and it shall be done, even if the happiness that was brought to my disposal wasn't all the happiness in the world? Why did she never tell me that while I sought out that dream of mine, I could seek out too, such things as noble as love and compassion?"

Hephaestion felt his mouth run dry.
"Maybe, maybe some things are for us to discover and learn, Alexander," he responded, musingly.

"The people of these lands that I have usurped the thrones of, I bless them with a brutality they never asked for or even deserved, Hephaestion," Alexander continued. "Shouldn't I be giving them kindness instead if I want them to take me for their true king?"
He stopped then, remembering the acute sadness in the eyes of the old woman who begged of him earlier that day to spare the life of her only son. He had ordered his men to slay him regardless, considering that the boy was fiercely loyal to his late king and was guilty of starting an uprising against the wretch that had killed him, the wretch that called himself the emperor of the world. It was needed to induce fear. His mother had taught him, one needs to terrorize those that one wishes to subdue and rule over. He had questioned her teachings on several occasions yet never could he go against them, against her. He knew he never would be able to go against her in the future either. He knew too that the eyes of that old woman, they were not going to let him sleep for many nights to come.

Alexander didn't elaborate upon his insurmountable sorrows much yet Hephaestion knew he was distressed by the cruelty he was having to resort to, lately. Why, he knew Alexander better than Alexander knew himself, perhaps. Alexander's agony, it stung him more than his own agony ever could and he writhed in that agony wordlessly.

"Ah, I feel like I am being crushed under the weight of all of my mother's desire and ambition," asserted Alexander in a trembling voice as he turned to face his dearest, groaning. "It is just the way a tiny ant feels crushed under the weight of a huge rock. I wish, I wish someone would lift up this rock, Hephaestion, for I find myself incapable of doing it myself. I wish someone would liberate me so I can be free to act as my soul wills."

Hephaestion stared as Alexander's eyes welled up with tears, tears he would only let Hephaestion see. As all of his strength seemed to desert him, he felt helpless, so gruesomely helpless. Even though he had often bragged to the emperor of the world he was braver and mightier than him, he knew he couldn't do it either. He knew he couldn't pick up the rock and set his beloved free. That knowledge, it pained him more than any man in the world could bring himself to imagine.
"Alexander," he gasped as he stepped forward and embraced the shorter man, protectively, "it is alright. I understand, I understand." He declared as he patted his back.