OUT OF MIND² ━━ Bellamy Blake

𝐈𝐈. Caught

Noah then ducks his eyes, and it hits Bellamy that he is much more worried then he's been letting on.

"Anyway, that's enough of all that mushy feelings stuff. Broke the ice between the two of us, whatever," finishes Noah with a shrug. "S'not really my thing. So. Feel blessed or something, I dunno."

"Um," says Bellamy. "OK."

"How's Jasper?" Noah asks abruptly.

Bellamy frowns. "What?"

"Kid with the goggles," Noah elaborates. "He went out on your mapping sector run, didn't he? I know he ran into a little trouble out there. You know him better then I do, so I'm asking. . . how is he?"

Bellamy swallows thickly. "I think he really might be broken. He doesn't even want to get better."

"You think it's selfish."

"What?" Bellamy's eyes widen. "No - "

"Nah, you do. I can see it on your face," Noah tells him calmly.

"OK, Maybe I do," responds Bellamy lowly. He's annoyed that Noah had been able to read him so easily. Not so much with Noah, but more with himself. "We've all lost people. Jasper knew Maya for two weeks - it's not fair for him to do this. Especially since what he did today put us all in danger!"

His voice rises fiercely as his frustrations mount. Noah's eyebrows arch appraisingly and, with a great deal of shame, Bellamy deflates. His shoulders slump, his cheeks redden, and he ducks his head down low. But what Jasper had done had truly unsettled Bellamy. It hadn't just been his own life at risk and Jasper hardly seemed to care that the Azgeda warriors could have killed the rest of them. Not only that, but he really did almost die.

And Bellamy's starting to think he can't protect anyone anymore.

"Take it easy on Goggles Boy," Noah tells him quietly. He doesn't seem put off by Bellamy's outburst. He's even maddeningly calm. "I won't pretend to have any idea what he's gone through - hell, I won't pretend to have any idea what any of you kids have gone through. You all saw more in two months than I've seen in my whole life."

And look where that's gotten us, thinks Bellamy bitterly. More then half of the original hundred are dead. Jasper's a suicidal alcoholic. And Lyra and Clarke are still missing.

"But I do know a thing or two about alcohol," continues Noah. Something in his voice shifts ━━ he sounds almost bitter. "It's a rough path."

Bellamy fights to keep his eyes from widening. Lyra had confessed to him a long time ago what kind of trouble her dad's gone through. Depression, alcoholism, all sorts of things. But now, judging from how uncharacteristically dark Noah's voice has gotten. . . well, Bellamy is starting to think Noah's kept more from Lyra then he's letting on.

Which makes sense to Bellamy. He's hidden things from Octavia to protect her, too.

But he'd seen it on Lyra's face when she'd told him the story. She might have grown up on Alpha Station, but her childhood was a far cry from perfect. Her mom had spent everything they ever earned from spacewalking and given it to Noah to fund his addiction without question. They hadn't had any spare money at all. And Lyra had said she was always terrified that she would wake up one day and find out her dad had been floated before she could get the courage to say I love you to the father who'd abandoned her. . .