Casual // Jesse Klaver x Rob Jetten ENG // RESSE on tiktok

Chapter V

"Robbie, you've been talking about Jesse ever since you joined the parliament", my mom says. I grab my phone off the desk and take it off the speaker. I put the phone to my ear and I continue the conversation like this. "You've been with Sjoerd for nearly 7 years, when you first met him, you didn't talk about him that much".

"I know", I sigh. I rub the back of my head with my spare hand and I try to relax. It'd feel so wrong to not be honest with her, she's right about me talking about Jesse but I don't wanna get into that too much. So I still try to be honest. "But I didn't have sex with Jesse, I wanted to, but I didn't. All we did was k- catch up, you know, trying to work this all out".

"Hmm, have you called Sjoerd yet?".

"No, I wanted to call you first. And ask you for advise".

"What do you mean, no? That poor boy", My mom sounds disappointed, and she's right about it. It's not fair to Sjoerd, not at all. "You're not gonna tell me you haven't talked to Sjoerd all day?"

"I haven't", I say honestly, and even though I now have over 20 missed calls from Sjoerd I still don't know what to do and I'm probably making this all worse. "I don't know what to say when I call him back".

"Nonsense, Rob". My mom is harsh, and I don't really know this side of her. She has always been this kindhearted and sweet woman, and like any parent, she'd raise her voice at you if you did something mischievous. "You have to face the consequences, you're a 34 year old gentleman and you know exactly what those consequences are".

"I know, mom", I say. She may have been quite harsh and honest, she is 100% right. I sigh and sit down on the desk again. I thank her for her time and that I'm gonna call Sjoerd after this phone call. "One more thing: can I sleep over tonight?".

"Of course you can, darling. I'll put a key under the doormat".

I end the phone call and look at my notifications. Loads of missed calls from Sjoerd, loads of texts from friends and even some colleagues. Even a national news website posted about me and Jesse and I got a notification about that. Although my heart is beating in my fucking throat I decide to call Sjoerd.

The phone rings about 3 times when it's being picked up. And I'm scared to say anything, I can't really say 'honey' or 'love' in a situation like this but saying 'Sjoerd' would also be awkward.

"Hi". Is all I can manage to say to Sjoerd. My hands are shaking and I can't help but shake my legs as well causing the entire desk to shake. I don't think I have ever been this nervous before, in my entire life. "Let's get straight to the point, I fucked up".

"You fucked him?", Sjoerd yells. Because of me being nervous, I believe I might have mispronounced the word 'up'. Fuck. I take a deep breath and I realize I'm the worst person on this planet.

"I didn't, I promise you I didn't", I tell him, I feel like crying but I'm trying my best not to. My hands are still shaking so I think it's best for me to put the phone on the speaker again. I look at the double door in front of me and I just hope Jesse isn't able to hear this all. I put it on speaker and turn the volume down a bit.

"You literally said that you had sex with Jesse", He says. And I literally can't deny that. I did say it, and I said it with my whole chest at that moment. I look at the phone and at the folded clothes next to me.

"I did say it, but I didn't have sex with him", I say. My hands are shaking again and before I even realize it I'm biting my nails. "I know it makes zero sense but I said it out of nowhere, like a joke". I half lie.

"Why would you say it then?" Sjoerd asks, his voice is loud but he's not yelling anymore. I'm wondering if I'd have reacted the same if Sjoerd did what I did. Our relationship was based on trust and I don't know what happened to that. Wait, why did I use was? I sigh and I'm honestly the worst boyfriend ever.

"I don't know", I tell him. I'm trying to be transparent with him but it's getting harder when he only knows one side of the story. And at this point I'm unable to tell my side of the story since I'm such a wreck. I don't even know what happened, well I know what happened but I don't really know how to explain it. "Today has been a rough day for me, but I don-".

"A rough day for you? Can you even imagine what today has been like for me? To read on social media that your boyfriend stared at another man's ass, and then hear your boyfriend say that he fucked that same man. You didn't even try to call me back, not even once. Not a single text, not answering any of my calls. You left me in complete dark this entire day and you're telling me it's been a rough day for you?".

The second Sjoerd interrupted me, I realize I said something stupid. His voice is loud and he's furious.

"I'm sorry, Sjoerd. I'm truly sorry. I don't know why I said that", I tell him. It's been the same conversation ever since this phone call started and I don't think it's gonna end well. "I honestly don't know how to make it up to you".

It stays quiet for some time before Sjoerd starts talking. "You know, Rob. It's been a lot for me today and I don't think you can save this. As much as I want to believe you, I can't. I think we should take a break for some time. Let this be a time to reflect and learn from your mistakes, I love you but I can't do this".

The phone call ends and I'm lost for words. Sjoerd is right and I give him every right to ask for a break but I'm heartbroken. This is probably what a heartbreak feels like.