Aesthete

Chapter 34

When I whispered her name, her eyes widened in realization, she looked crushed. The weight of the world was on her shoulders as she panicked when I ran to her, I still didn't stop because no matter what happened to her, I wouldn't do anything I could end up regretting.

I already screwed up with how I treated Deku when we were kids, and I screwed up again when I couldn't get over my damn pride and let Florence see how much she meant to me.

Never again.

What made me so angry at her the first day was how she tried so hard to play off her pain. She smiled and shrugged, acting so nonchalant but her eyes never lied. They were constantly dilated as she hunched her shoulders, tensing when anyone went too close.

When she kissed me for the first time, I remember nearly beating Monoma to the tiles. Kirishima had to yank me back and plead, what worked was when he said, "Florence wouldn't be happy about this either, just go look for her, man." So that I did.

I found her, leaning against a pine tree as tears dripped down her cheeks. My chest tightened in discomfort with the sight, it nagged at me every time she cried or frowned or looked angry. I found myself growing pissed at whatever inconvenienced her. If the sun was too bright then I would personally see to it that it dimmed somehow, if anything hurt her or irritated her than I would make sure it wasn't in her presence.

I love that girl too much for my own good. I hate her, and more importantly, I feel nothing but torn being by her side.

The guilt that she took my place threatened to consume me just as much as my desire for her did. Watching her get tormented on a huge screen in Kamino Ward made me feel a sadness and grief I never experienced, it was just as bad when All Might withered away to a thin skeleton of himself.

And it's all my fault.

When I reached the tree and pulled her to me, I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Was it okay for someone who hurt Reyna so much to have the privilege to be loved by her?

I didn't deserve her, her soft sighs of content, her lips pressed to my skin. I didn't deserve it at all.

So, I continuously wonder why she chose me after it was my existence that made her so battered, that split her mind in two as she struggled to recollect some decent version of when she was happier.

I hated the way she accepted me so easily, how we spent these few days sheltered from others at times, letting me hold her face as I kissed every inch that wasn't her lips. I decided to reserve that first real kiss until she was completely mine, until I could look at her with others and not feel twinges of jealousy when her friends would coddle her with their overbearing affection.

Florence grinned from ear to ear when I found different ways to trace over the contours of her nose, cheeks, eyes, anything. I frowned once, pulling away as I glared at her. Her eyes widened in panic as she put her small hands on my chest, "What's wrong, Katsuki?" I wanted to melt at the way she spoke so smoothly, only using that tone with me.

"I'm always the one kissing you, you've never told me that you wanted it but you never stopped me either. Are you just forcing yourself to tolerate it?" I had to know, even if it tore me, I would remove myself from her if she only let me kiss her because she didn't have the heart to reject me.

Her eyes enlarged some more before narrowing. Florence scoffed, lifting her arms to dangle them around my neck as she leaned upwards to whisper, "You think I'm tolerating this? If I didn't want you, I'd be with someone else, moron." I laughed at her words, but I also couldn't bite back the rage at the thought of anyone else kissing her, holding her and having her show a side she doesn't reveal at all.