The Birds & The Bees | S.R.

Ch. 8 | Professor's Pride

"We... forgot...?"

I hated that word. I hated it even more than usual as of late. I hated it even more than usual under the current circumstances.

Perhaps I was overthinking it. In fact, I knew I was. I knew both of the people sitting in front of me, and I knew that they both genuinely wanted what was best for me. But in that moment, I was too angry to remind myself that they wouldn't use me for their own entertainment. They weren't bad like me. They valued people too much to do something so selfish.

"Are you serious?" I asked, already jumping from my seat and snatching the laptop off of her lap, "Where is it?"

Derek followed quickly behind my movements, moving to prevent me from doing what he knew I was going to do.

"I pulled it up just now and you can delete it if you want but—" Penelope interrupted, only to be cut off by my own scratchy shout, "Of course I'm going to delete it, Garcia!"

Derek's voice broke through our little spat, clear and cool and confident as ever.

"Kid, look at the messages first."

Begrudgingly, and filled with morbid curiosity, I did. I saw the red icon that indicated a recent unopened message, and I hovered the mouse over it with shaky fingers against the trackpad. I took in exactly one deep breath before I clicked it and the world fell to pieces around me.

There was my Bunny, staring back at me with a smile too pure to be on a place like this.

I'd known that she had a dating profile; the other female students had made sure that I knew about the contents of her profile. But there was something so deeply unsettling about spotting here there. It felt like the moment before a disaster, when you wished you could rewind the clock and do it all differently.

I didn't click the message. I didn't want to know what it said.

It was either a reminder of what could have been, or a temptation I couldn't indulge in.

The second that the screen returned to the settings, Derek tried to stop me again.

"Aren't you going to..."

A voice of reason, always irritating and always right. I probably should have read the message, but I didn't want to admit that I'd made a mistake. Lord knew I would only make it worse by knowing.

"No," I said before clicking the button harder than necessary, but still feeling unsatisfied by the sound. I slammed the laptop shut like that might help. I still felt empty, though.

I gathered my things quickly, and the other two felt what I'd hoped was guilt rather than frustration. They tried to stop me with pitiful stares and silence.

"Goodbye," I said before bolting towards the door.

She called my name one last time, but the handle clicked into place and took all of my resolve with it.

I'd already made up my mind, and my mind was a dangerous thing to dare.

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There were many words that came to mind when I thought of Spencer. If I'd been tasked to find a page in the dictionary where I couldn't tie a thought back to him, I'd bet against myself. There was just something about him that consumed my thoughts and drowned me in the mystery.

Spencer always seemed so contradictory; so ready to give up but so hopeful to hold on. So lonely, but loath to let anyone near. But still, when I thought of him, the world seemed brighter in spite of the shadow following him. I always saw his smile before his frown.