illumi is sad?

Call, Alluka cries?

<Alluka POV>

i was trying to forget about what i saw in the second living room and have fun with Aniki and gon but i couldn't shake the nightmarish scene from my mind, "Alluka are you okay? you seem troubled, if something did happen please tell me" i heard aniki say, putting on my best fake smile i said "nope! everythings fine aniki!" he still looked sceptical but started to go back and play with gon, while he was over there i scooted closer to kurapika, he was nice, he wouldn't mind if i hugged him for a bit would he? telling myself he wouldn't i scooted up to him and latched onto his chest "Hu-HUH!, Alluka did you need something?" he said when he felt me, i couldn't speak though, he was warm and nice like onii-chan, onii-chan... before i could stop myself i was balling, thinking of what i saw in the second living room, "ALLUKA! ARE YOU OKAY?!" i felt arms wrap around me in a hug(NOT A SHIP AT ALL) but i couldn't stop crying,

<Killua POV>

"ALLUKA! ARE YOU OKAY?!" i looked over from where i was hanging out with gon by the riverside and saw alluka sobbing into kurapika, running over i went and hugged her "Alluka are you okay" i said, she slowly started calming down and and stopped sobbing, she was now sniffling and hiccuping slightly. "Are you okay alluka" i asked, looking up at me she said " I-i dont wanna she onii-chan hurt!!!!" she looked like she was gonna cry again "hey im here im not hurt, i have a couple of scraps but otherwise i'm fine, see" lifting up my arms and showing hem for emphasis, "o-okay" she said, though i swear she looked like she was about to say something else i decided to just bring her over to the water, i wonder what that was all about?

Illumi POV

"Hello hisoka" i said monotone and blandly "nothing much i just wanted to apologize for accidentally leaving your window unlocked last night, i hope your parents didn't notice" he said, though the audio was i bit blurry, he must be in a windy place "oh, you're fine, they didn't notice don't worry" i hated lying to him but i didn't want him to blame himself for it, it was my fault for falling asleep "oh okay that's great, well i'm on a mission right now so see ya later babzz!" with that he ended the call. it really is my fault, it's my fault that my siblings hate me and that i'm emotionless and that i'm such a horrible person, everythings my fault, i started crying, walking uo i went to the bathroom i was in an oversized pink tee(it was hisoka's but he left it here) so my soft black hair draped over my cold shoulders, tying it in a ponytail so i wouldn't get blood on it i took out the razor blade, everything was my fault, i deserves this. one cut...three..four...twenty..forty...forty five, i think that's good for now, i'm trained to ot pass out from this much blood loss, so it wasn't like i was gonna faint, that doesn't mean i feel good though, cleaning up my blood and razor blade than braiding my hair i wet to bed.

Illumi POV next morning,

i was tired, tired and woozy, i also had a headache and what i suspected to be fever, Uggg this is sooo annoying, checking the clock it was 4:30, oh well no ones up yet, might as well make myself some breakfast before people come down and see what i'm wearing. my hair was still loosely braided, falling to around my hips while I walked silently down the stairs into the kitchen. getting pancake supplies I made and started to cook myself some pancakes and eggs for breakfast,(10 min later) "Illumi? what the heck!" i spun around as fast as i could immediately reverting my face to an emotionless screen from where it was ten seconds ago with a smile on it, it was kalluto, whew! he was nicer then milluki or mum and dad so he might not tell them about this. "yes" i answered back monotone, turning around to finish making food, "what are you wearing, and WHat are you doing!" he said in a whisper yell, not mad sounding, just confused "I'm wearing morning clothes, and i'm making myself food since any other source of sustenance at the moment would be asking mom or dad which i don't really feel like getting yelled at" i replied back not looking at him, "yeah yeah but since when did you own pink stuff?" he said back in less of yell and more of a normal voice, "I don't, this isn't mine" finishing my food i went over to the table and put it down on a plate "Wha...? What do you mean...WAIT! Do you have a girlfriend!!??" he started whisper yelling again as i sat down, when he said this i looked him dead in the eye and said "you do realize that i have told you im engaged before right." he just stopped walking in baffled silence "I thought that was a joke, so you're seriously engaged?" he said real slowly "Yes i am engaged i told all of you, though as i suspected you all either forgot or thought i was joking" i said monotonously as i eat, "well who is the lucky lady then?"i contemplated telling him about it and decided it was for the best "Listen i'm not gonna answer anymore questions right now, but meet me in the southeast blindspot at 2 today and i can explain" with that i went and washed my sidh before going up the stairs to my room.

Kalluto POV at 2

I was walking to the southeast blindspot when I heard a rustle in the leaves. Suddenly Illumi's hand shot out of the underbrush and pulled me in, "follow me kalluto" I heard him say as he turned to face away from me and started walking. I followed him for sometime before we reached a sunny meadow with flowers and a stream. "What is it you wanted to tell me aniki?" I asked as he sat down and turned to face me. That's when I got a big shock, aniki was... smiling? "Look kalluto you can't tell ANYONE about this, okay, this place and me being nice and what i'm about to tell you" he suddenly got very serious "uh.. O..okay?" i said unsure, "No you have to swear on our family blood to NEVER tell anyone unless i say its okay" his voice was calm though i knew this was important, it almost felt like if i did this i would see a whole other side to illumi "i swear" and with that he started talking. "Look im not emotionless as most people think, i have just been trained to the point where showing emotion around people scares me, and i don't actually act like how most people think i act, the "Illumi" you know isn't really me, the "Illumi" you know is just a puppet, our parents puppet, and all those times i was horrible to you, killua, milluki and alluka, well i couldn't let you think our parents were the bad guys, i had to be the bad guy to stop you guys getting hurt to the point of breaking. Im the oldest i didnt have an older sibling to be the bad guy so our parents could be the good guys, i was the lab rat for all the torture methods they wanted to try out, thats why im scared to feel emotions around people, i couldnt let you guys becoming like me. That's why i did that. Sometimes I have little outings with Alluka though, she knows my secret." as he finished all i could do was stare, before tears gathered in my eyes and i hugged him, he was a little surprised but hugged back loosely, "i'm so sorry for being so mean to you aniki!" i yelled "its okay im used to it by now" the reply made me remember something and i dried my tears and sat up again facing him "oh yeah, who is your fiance and what's her name?" i asked, now very curious of the girl Illumi was engaged to, but all he did was look at me blankly for a second and then burst out laughing,when he had got himself under control he said "Kalluto, Im GAY. and my fiance is really weird, trust me, around anyone but me he acts like a total creep even though he really isnt, you probably shouldnt meet him" he said it took me a second to comprehend this before saying "oh.. Sorry i didn't mean to assume anything! But also I do wanna meet him" he smiled at that "its fine dont worry about it, also if you really want to meet him come to my room tomorrow night, k?" with that he vanished into the underbrush near us.