break my heart again // gojo satoru x reader

i love you

And your reaction was exactly as expected. Turning on your heel, you grabbed the mug from the cabinet and left him standing there, arms still crossed.

Finally closing the two suitcases that were packed to the brim with your belongings, you stood up, approaching the door.

Again, he expected a reaction.

Maybe you'd run back towards him, slamming your fists at his chest, yelling curses at him, your tone quivering with unrepressed rage, like an ember threatening to burn his world to ash.

Maybe he'd run up to the door, slam the door shut, and start begging for forgiveness, kneeling on the floor, peppering small kisses on your hand like a desperate dog.

Maybe he'd just utter an "I'm sorry."

Nothing. He didn't move an inch. His eyes just followed you as you turned the doorknob, as you put one foot out into the outside world, as you finally turned around to face him again. He saw the tears welling up inside your eyes- his own throat starting to close up in the process- as you made your way to close the door, but he forced himself to utter out three last words before the door shut completely.

----

It's not true.

Today wasn't the first time he'd sliced his own heart in two.

As he sat at the bar, twirling the toothpick in his cocktail while waiting for Nanami to arrive, he pondered about what you said earlier on in the morning.

I love you.

Taking another sip of his drink, he shook his head rapidly, pounding his palm into the side of his head as if it would help get the thought out of his head; as if it was just an illusion, and he was trying to clear his head. But he knew that it had happened. He knew that you had said it, and he knew he hadn't said it back.

He couldn't say it back, not because he knew he didn't love you, but because he didn't know what he felt about you.

He had fallen in love, yes, but he didn't know if he truly loved you.

If you loved someone, you were supposed to be able to look into their eyes, right? Well, he hated looking into your eyes, the ones filled with awe and love, and only being able to see getou's eyes, filled with insanity.

If you loved someone, you were supposed to love embracing them when you arrived home, right? Well, every time he wrapped his arms around your body, the only thoughts that ran through his mind were "What if they get hurt?" "What if they break my heart like everyone else?" and "Why do I feel so guilty?"

If you loved someone, you were supposed to be able to say it back, right? Well, after you said it, he pulled away from you, needing to blink thrice to stop the tears welling in the corners of his eyes from betraying himself, giving away every single one of his emotions.

He buried his face into his hands, already feeling the hot tears start to well up in his glossy eyes, already feeling his legs start to tremble, already feeling the guilt start to dig a pit in his stomach. He tried smiling, but it only quivered like a leaf, causing tears to start cascading down his cheeks, so he sunk his head down onto the table, hoping the table would shield his face from the other patrons of the bar, and that the table would magically dry up his tears.

Still drowning in his own self-sabotaging thoughts, he didn't hear the blond-haired man come into the bar, nor did he notice the man sit next to him until Nanami finally gave him a strong nudge on the side of his arm.

----

Tell me I've been lied to.

"What do I do?"