Various X Reader

Levi x Reader Part 2

You walked over to Levi, who was laid on the ground of the stable still, which was surprising. He normally thought the stable floor to be one of the dirties places in the base. You stood over the man and held a hand out to him.

"I know it feels like you can't function and it feels shitty but you're lying on the ground, Levi," the man grabbed your hand and instead of pulling himself up, he pulled you onto the ground beside him.

"I got punched in the face today," Levi stated with his usual stoic voice. "I got punched in the face by one of my squad member's families because I let them die," the man continued. "Is this how you felt?" you sat up, sitting next to him with crossed legs.

"Shitty. Empty. Blaming myself. Don't want to be around anyone. Don't know how to talk to anyone. Can't tell Erwin. Can't talk to Hanji. Cadets are useless. Need to distract myself. And, if you think about it, you break," you listed off all the ways you had felt over the past few weeks. "Yes. This is how I feel. This is how it feels. And this feeling isn't going to go away any time soon. It's here. It'll stick and every decision you made, every order you gave them will be at the back of your mind. You'll think about it on a daily basis. You'll consider what you could have done better. You'll think about what you could have done to save them," Levi looked at you, this wasn't helpful to him right now, it really wasn't. But the reality of it, he appreciated.

"How do you make it stop?" his voice cracked slightly. Your breath hitched. You didn't know how to handle it if Levi had a break down.

"I can't," you admitted, giving a sad smile. "But I have someone with me every day. Someone who tells me every day. It's not your fault. You did the right thing. They gave everything for humanity," you repeated the words Levi had told you so many times before. The black-haired man sighed and sat up.

You stood to your feet and held your hand out again. This time, Levi took it and pulled himself up, avoiding putting weight on his injured foot. He never released your hand as you walked through the corridors of the base.

"Thanks, (Y/N)," Levi spoke, walking close by your side. "For today and every other day," he muttered as you reached your office, which also doubled as your bedroom like most other Captain's offices.

"Any time," you replied as you opened the door. Levi pecked your cheek goodnight and made his way to his own office while you retreated into yours.

You changed from your uniform and into something more comfortable. You didn't plan on sleeping but you were going to lay down and try your hardest to get some rest. You rested your head on your pillow and stared at the ceiling.

In the darkness, you were now alone. Alone, by yourself. The memories started again. You couldn't stop them. The smiles of your Squad flashed before your eyes. The way they laughed rang in your ears. The remembrance of the way they hugged you suddenly turned your body to ice. You missed them. You missed everything about them.

You missed waking up and having them greet you. You missed them being in the mess hall and already having your breakfast with them. You missed them checking in with you before lights out. You missed them asking you to teach them hand to hand. Hell, you missed the useless games of tag they devised with the omnidirectional manoeuvring gear that you joined in.

You missed it all. Everything. You had lost so much and unlike the last few times where you were able to bury the feeling, this time you weren't. With the sorrows of Squad Levi still fresh and the emotionally draining task of having to tell their families, topped with the grief of losing your own Squad still fresh, you broke.

You finally broke.

You covered your eyes with your hands as the tears ran down your cheeks like a river. You gritted your teeth trying to stop the sobs in case anyone was passing by but you couldn't. Each sob came out more cracked than the last and soon you found yourself unable to breathe. You sat up, regaining some breath but it was stolen again by another sob.

Levi stood outside your office door. He had been unable to sleep, despite changing his clothes and changing the bandage on his leg. He was drained, both physically and emotionally but sleep would not come to him. So, he gave up. At least, trying to sleep in his own bed, he gave up.

He knew you, though. He knew you'd still be awake and you were. But this wasn't what he was expecting. Through the door he could hear your broken sobs. He could hear them escaping in ragged breaths and how you tried to calm yourself down but you couldn't. He could only picture you now but a part of him was relieved.

You hadn't taken the proper time to grieve the loss of your team and now you finally were. Levi opened the door gently. He didn't want to be heard and judging by your sobs, he wasn't. The black-haired man walked over to your bed and slowly he lifted the covers and climbed in.

Your body froze at the sudden dip in the bed and the hand that rested on the centre of your back but you said nothing. You didn't move. Didn't dare look to see who it was.

"Just me," Levi spoke, rubbing his hand gently over your back.

"H-hey," you hiccupped and sniffled, trying to regain some kind of steadiness to your voice but Levi frowned.

"It's okay, (Y/N)," his voice was gentler than usual, more understanding. "It's okay to break," those words were all you needed to hear. Your sobs restarted, quieter than last time and you continued to cry.

Levi sat up and placed his arms around you, hugging you close to his chest. He laid down, bringing you with him. You clutched onto the shirt he was wearing, half expecting him to make some comment about cleanliness but the man was quiet. He rubbed your back and kissed the top of your head gently as you sobbed.

And then... his breath started to shake. His breathing became ragged and you heard him strain to keep a sob from escaping his lips. His grip tightened on you, bringing you closer to him. He refused to let go and you refused to let him.

Time passed. Levi's face was wet with tears but sobs never left his throat. Your throat hurt from sobbing, your eyes were puffy and red and Levi's shirt was stained with your tears. The grief had gotten too much for the both of you.

But that was okay. This was okay. Because it was okay to let it all out instead of bottling it up. It was okay to break.