Anchor {h.s}

eight

And I looked at the little girl, whose eyes shined with happiness as the little boy played with her. They had built a sand castle together but a false movement from the little boy destroyed their hard work. I expected the little girl to cry, but instead she laughed with the little boy. I bit my lower lip and hoped she wouldn’t fall for the same trap I did. I hoped they would stick with sand castles and never grow up.

Because growing up was hard; because good friends became shitty friends; because sandcastles were replaced with hearts.

“You left,” I whispered with a shaky voice.

“I know,” he whispered back.

“After I told you how I felt about that, you left.”

I looked away, hiding the tears that wanted to fall down my cheeks. He said nothing and with each second of silence, my heart broke a little more.

“I just couldn’t face the morning after.”

He voice was so low, I wasn’t sure if he had truly said it or if I had imagined it. I didn’t look up, unable to face him. I felt ridiculous for being so affected by this and for a moment, I wished to be a little more like Harry: able to build a strong façade and not let anything get to me.

I envied his ability to be so closed off to the world around him and the fact that he didn’t love, because in this moment, I hated nothing more than love. There was nothing beautiful about it; it only consisted of pain and tears.

“Em,” he called my name but I didn’t look up.

I felt him move closer to me and I tried to get further away, but as I reached the end of the bench, I knew it was no use.  He didn’t hug me, put a hand on my thigh or turned my head towards him. He just sat right next to me, allowing our sides to touch.

He sighed loudly, allowing me to hear his desperation. “This is exactly why I couldn’t face the morning after,” he paused, waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t. “This is it, we’re over.”

This time I looked up. My eyes were wide in fear as I just heard the words I never wanted to hear. “What?”

“Isn’t that what you want?” He asked, glossy eyes meeting mine.

“No,” I denied immediately.

“Well it’s what it feels like,” he said. “You’re right here, but you feel miles away.”

“Because I’m hurt!”

The words came out louder than I intended and I could feel the people around looking at us. I detached my eyes from Harry’s and looked at the little boy and girl that were playing near us. They were looking at us too, but my eyes met the one’s of the little girl. She was being curious, wondering what was happening. I gave her a small smile, wanting to reassure her and she smiled too before returning to her play.

“Em,” Harry whispered. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “Like always,” I remarked. “You say that so often that I’m starting to doubt it now.”

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly. “I know, but I mean it every time. I don’t mean to hurt you, I never do. It just always happens because I’m fucked up and can’t get anything right.”

I sighed, no matter how hard he was hurting me, I still hated when he spoke so badly of himself. “Stop,” I said.

My gaze lingered on our intertwined hands. His hand was soft against mine as his thumb caressed the back of my hand tenderly. He was holding on, knowing that his grip on me was slowly fading.

“It felt like a goodbye,” he said and I looked up questioningly. “Last night, it felt as if we were saying goodbye to each other,” he clarified before shrugging and looking down. “And maybe in a way we were. Maybe we had to say goodbye to what we were before, because we knew we couldn't  keep doing this.”

There was a small silence, as what Harry was saying started to sink in for the both of us.

“I want to keep you in my life - I need to keep you in my life - but just as a friend.”I nodded and slowly detached my hand from his. I felt his resistance, which contradicted his previous words, but I ignored it. Friends didn’t hold hands.

“Okay,” was all I said.

I knew that what he was saying was true; the path we were previously going down was destructive, but this was something we had tried already and it had failed miserably. And maybe Harry was right about last night, maybe we had said goodbye to that relationship and we needed last night to happen.

“We’ll try harder this time,” he assured, somehow reading my mind. “And the next time you try to jump on me, I’ll resist,” he said, attempting a joke.

I rolled my eyes, but decided that maybe a few jokes would ease the tension between us. “Says the boy with a crazy sex drive.”

He chuckled and I smiled softly. He draped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him. I allowed myself to rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. He pressed his soft lips on my forehead and I shivered, knowing that no matter our status, I would always feel this way.

“You’re still the most important person in my life. Sex or no sex,” he mumbled against my skin. “I’m not going to hurt you anymore.”

I nodded, although I wasn't so sure if I believed him.

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Little trip down memory lane there. Harry's sad, Em's sad, I'm sad. 
Did you like this chapter? What are your prediction for this story? aaah I have so much planned for this story, you have no idea. I'm exciteeeeedddd

Love you all !! 
Karry xx.