dream

chp- 1

The sky is bright blue but still it feels dull. It feels like something's not right...but what ?
I have this heavy feeling on my chest like I want to cry...but why? Is the thought that's getting louder and louder in my head. I want it to stop. I want it to go away ....to leave me alone. But it won't. I have to do something, inorder to stop it. I don't want it to take over.
........................................................................

It was Sunday, me and my family were having fun. This was the first time when we were happy or atleast were trying to be happy, it's been 5 years since my cousin died, it was an accident,that's what they say, but all I remember is that we were playing in our room ...it was summer so our balcony was open ...white see-through curtains were rustling in the wind. Our parents were in the room adjacent to us. It felt so warm like nothing could ever go wrong! Specially because I was with Rue, she was the sweetest person I ever knew, always understood me, we shared everything with each other. She told me that her parents were fighting alot recently, to which I said," everybody fights, specially the people who love each other!" In the annoying tone ever, Trying to make her feel better. But when I looked at her she was crying, but it was not like how she usually cried. She was shaking, her hands were in her hair almost pulling it in distress. I pulled her close to me and asked why was she crying. She told me that she heard her parent's conversation a few days ago, they want to separate but Rue was the reason that was stoping them. Her mother was regretting that she gave birth to her. It broke her. I could feel it. After a few mins she told me that she loved me and will always be there for me, I couldn't understand why she was saying that as it was out of the blue. She also told me to get some water for her, so I went to the kitchen to get some. The water was about to fill the cup when I heard my uncle cry out loud "GET DOWN! WHAT ARE U DOING!" it was so loud that my heart sank and the glass fell. I heard footsteps running. I ran as fast as I could. But all I saw was Rue standing on the balcony through the curtains. As I was about to call her she was gone. Just like the words from my mouth. I didn't cry ...I couldn't process what was happening I almost giggled thinking it was a joke. Everybody screamed till we heard the thump. It was loud. That's when it hit me that she's gone.The same warmth felt ice cold. The same beautiful curtains felt scary. The same wind felt like knifes as it touched me. After that it is all blur. I still have dreams of what happened that day but are always hazy and unclear.
I was so heartbroken after that day. I cried for I don't even know for how long. I blamed her parents for her death. Days turned into months and months into years, they had another baby so they could feel a little better. Which did kinda helped but I always feel her absence.
But not today, I feel like I am not alone. Besides the feeling of heavy ness I feel the presence of somthing familiar, somthing that feels like was lost but was once again found. But along with this feeling I felt overwhelmed, cold and anxious. Just like the feeling that you get when u see something from the corner of your eye, I felt that someone was behind the trees which was a few feets away from us. It felt like a force that was attracting me towards it, but I didn't go because my family called me to have some food. After having some food I felt like somthing was staring at me. I looked around but I saw no one. Soon it was time to go as it was getting late. As we were packing our stuff I saw a silluete of something familiar, I was not able to see it clearly but somthing about it made me tear up, it felt like it was calling me towards it. Don't know what what came to my mind but I ran towards it, hoping to be what I thought it was. Almost worried as it would vanish if I didn't get to it on time. As I was getting closer to the figure I noticed that it was getting distorted, it got darker, I couldn't see it clearly but could definitely make out the distorted smile on its face so I slowed down. I turned around and saw my family packing, I felt like I was light and dizzy. I looked at it again ,this time squinting my eyes to get a better look, I saw tears running down its cheeks as it was smiling at me. I wanted to help her. I wanted to talk to her. Because I saw her. It was her.
............................................................................