I would have missed you | Merluca

Chapter 10

And then he felt Meredith leaning in to kiss him, tenderly, more grazing his lips than anything else before she embraced him.

"You are still scared, right?" Andrew whispered after another moment, pulling away slightly to find her eyes.

"I... I think a part of me will always be scared after everything... But yes... I'm terrified to get hurt again."

At her words he took her tighter in his embrace until she let herself completely lean against him.

"That's why you still try to keep some distance?" He whispered into her ear.

"Is it that obvious?" She turned her head slightly towards him, so she could look at him.

"First I thought that it was because of everything that had happened before I got diagnosed..." He started slowly in a soft and quiet voice "And I think it was a part of what held you back because so much had happened... But I think what really holds you back is the thing that scares me too. To get too close again... Because I know now how terrified I was to lose you, how much just the thought of losing you hurt me."

"You do know that I'm not that good at talking about all these things like you do?"

"I know that." Andrew had to chuckle slightly, looking at her with a small smile.

"I want to be with you, Andrew." Meredith started sincerely while she took his hand, making them both look down at their hands for a moment until they heard Andrew's reminder to take his meds and get enough sleep.

"I want to stay with you tonight." Meredith stated, looking up at him.

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I want to try not to let my fears hold me back anymore."

Andrew tightened his embrace around her one more time while he closed the distance between them and leaned in to kiss her slowly.

"You know you're getting pretty good at this. Talking about your feelings." He said when he slightly pulled away, looking into her eyes.

"I think I have spent too much time with you." She answered, making them chuckled a little.

Andrew put another kiss in her hair before they both got up from the couch and got ready to go to bed.

...

"Good night, Mer." Andrew whispered once they laid down together.

"Can you hold me?" He heard Meredith next to him and she didn't need to ask him a second time until he brought her in his arms. They both needed this tonight after everything they have been through the past few months.

"You know I would do anything for you, right?" He whispered into her hair.

"I think you have said that some time ago." She chuckled slightly, turning around in his embrace, so she was turned towards him.

"Good. Because it's still true." He put a short kiss onto her lips.

They stayed in silence for some moments, just enjoying the feeling of lying next to each other again, when Andrew felt how Meredith moved herself a little more towards him. And he knew her well enough by now to know that something was still getting to her.

"What's on your mind?" He prompted softly, trying to bring her to open up to him.

"I would have missed you. If you hadn't survived, I would have missed you." She whispered into the crook of his neck.

"But I'm here." He brought his arm that was lying around her to her head, caressing through her hair.

"And if you hadn't?"

He stayed silent for a moment, not sure what to answer, not wanting to think about what could have happened "You would have been okay." He whispered quietly.

"I'm not so sure..."

He stayed silent for another moment before he started softly "If anything should happen to me, I would want you to be happy again... Whatever that might look like for you... Your job, your kids, or being with someone else... I would want you to be happy."

"You wouldn't be jealous." He noticed how Meredith tried to look up at him.

"Maybe... but I would want you to be happy."

"I would want you to be happy too."

And then Meredith leaned up towards Andrew to give him another kiss before they tried to get some sleep.

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End of chapter 10

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New chapter 😅 I'm not sure what to think about this one, I like some moments... But it turned out very differently from what I imagined... But... here it is :)

And only one more chapter... 😢