Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Twenty-seven

During dinner I found out Kirsikka was a warm person, who indeed worked as an art therapist and who was passionate about art in her free time as well. Kuisma's dad on the other hand was a quiet and solemn man. It wasn't hard to tell from whom Kuisma had gotten his looks: they both had brown hair and the same handsome features. He worked as a psychologist and I guess he just preferred listening over talking.

The food was delicious. When I was young, we never really celebrated Christmas, let alone had that kind of traditional dishes: rutabaga and carrot casseroles, rosolli salad, Christmas ham made of tofu, roasted Brussels sprouts,..

There was one dish that didn't look like it belonged: french fries still in a red McDonald's wrapper. Kuisma's mom caught me looking at it and laughed.

"Kuisma was a picky child. One Christmas, no matter what I cooked, he wouldn't eat it, so we had to go to McDonald's to buy him fries. After that we've bought him fries every Christmas", she explained.

"Yeah, but I'm picky no more", Kuisma objected with an embarrassed smile.

The food and the wine we had with it helped me to relax, making me feel warm and welcomed. I was starting to believe what Kuisma said about his parents: they were chill.

"So, tell us a little bit about yourself. What kind of things you like? Have you got any hobbies?" Kirsikka asked later, when we were drinking coffee and some expensive rum and eating chocolate while playing a game where you needed to pick right cards to build a perfect ecosystem. There was a fire in fireplace and music played quietly in the background.

"Um, I like art, 90s music and reading, and I think you could say those are my hobbies", I answered. 

The next questions were about school — Kuisma's parents seemed pleased with the fact I'm good at it — and what plans I had for the future. They had many questions, but it didn't feel like a cross-examination.

"How about your parents?" And then came the question I had dreaded for.

"My mom passed away a long time ago", I tried to answer vaguely something about my mom, because I didn't feel like bringing dad up at that moment.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was she sick?"

"She had cervical cancer." I promised to tell you about my mom, and I've been putting it off, but maybe I should just get it over with.

Cervical cancer usually has a good prognosis, at least these days, because of its regular screening. In my mom's case the cancer was perceived only after she went to the hospital because of persistent backache and fatigue. The cancer had already spread to her lungs, liver and coxal bone, so it was too late for her. After the diagnosis it took about a year of chemotherapy, pain and nausea, until she passed away.

I don't know where comes the myth that cancer patients are full of joy of life, because my mom wasn't. She was always tired and the worse she got the more irritated she was. She wasn't mean, she was just different. Another thing you can't see in the movies is how messy and graceless the last months or weeks are.

But when I think about my mom, I don't think about her last year, but the years before that. How she baked caramel cream cakes, how she laughed when she was watching her favorite serie and how she walked all the way to the town in a pouring rain with me just to get the action figure I wanted. So instead of going to the details of her illness, I told them I still missed her every day.

"Are you close with your dad then?" Kuisma's dad probably thought he was doing me a favor by changing the subject. Kuisma gave him a warning glance and touched my hand under the table.

"Um, he's dead too", I muttered.

It's funny how some days all I wanted to do was talk about my dad. We hadn't been close, but I still needed to grieve him in a way. Some days I didn't want to have anything to do with him.