First Snow

Wrong Train, Right Direction

"Fine. Call me when you're here..."

He hanged up and leaned once more against the wall. The door of the room opened and her mother came out, gently closing it behind her. He straightened immediately, alert and worried.

"She's asleep..." she said in a low voice when she turned to face him. "She wasn't completely conscious, but... She kept calling you..."

He wasn't sure to be able to handle more. The tremor of his lips, the tears in his eyes, were enough to convey how he was feeling.

"How... How is she?"

His voice broke and he exhaled, swallowing then the lump that had formed in his throat.

"She should be fine... The nurse who came earlier told me that her vital signs have improved, even if she still has a fever..."

She was going to be fine. That was all he wanted to hear, and the relief flooding him almost made his knees buckle. Her mother hesitated, before nodding.

"I don't think she'll wake up for now... I'm going to grab a coffee..."

With a last glance, full of understanding and of pain for the two young people, Seri's mother left.

Ri Jeong Hyeok didn't hesitate. He pushed the door and entered the room quietly.

The unfortunately familiar sight of her in a hospital bed, and the steady beep of the machines, greated him. He held back unwanted tears blurring his sight and came closer, until she was withing reach. She was asleep, still, pale, with an oxygen cannula that made his heart clench with pain. She looked so small and it has been not long enough since the last time she had looked that vulnerable.

It was his fault.

She had taken a bullet for him, she had come for him, and all he had done was hurting her more.

"I'm so sorry..."

The broken whispered echoed in the room but didn't disturb her slumber. His shaking fingers grazed her skin, she was still burning with fever, and he closed his eyes, trying hard to hold back on the sobs that were threatening to break out of his chest.

Part of him wanted to wake her up, look one last time into her eyes, tell her how sorry he was, how much he loved her, how much he didn't regret meeting her ... But the other part was grateful. Maybe if her last memory of him was him rejecting her, maybe then she could get over his departure. He felt deep inside him that it was illusory to hope that one of them could move forward, yet they had no choice. His fingers brushed her hair, he leaned down and kissed her hot forehead, his lips trailing, taking a deep breath of her floral scent.

"I love you..."

He stood abruptly, and turned away, his breath hitched as he was fighting the urge to never leave her again.

She was going to be fine. That was what he had needed to know. She was fine and he had to go back, no matter how deep his desparation was.

Without a last glance, his jaw clenched and his tears no longer held back, he walked away.

******

Pine, leather and soap.

That was the smell that had been lingering in the room when she had regained consciousness.

And of course, as her eyes were blinking, trying to focus and to make sense of her surroundings, she had called his name. Relentlessly, like a prayer.

Her mother had been there, comforting her in a way Seri never thought would be possible, the doctor and the nurses had fussed around her, but all she had wanted had been to be wrapped in his warmth and scent. However, he never came, so she had closed her eyes hoping that he would appear that way, that maybe her being in this hospital bed wasn't the reality, but to no avail, every time she regained consciousness, things were the same.