Random thoughts

Scared

I just put on my headphones and became deathly scared. My heart legitimately started to skip beats and stop and all that clechè shtuff.

   Maybe it's because once th e music plays, I become a different person.

  I feel different things. Different emotions.

  I want to do different things, sometimes stupid things.

  Is my heart trying to warn me? My brain trying to warn me?

  Usually at this time, I write, but I write light, easy things, and if I'm putting on music, then I'm actually going to write, write like heavy stuff.

  Is it going to be different this time?

   Is something good going to happen?

 

  Is something bad going to happen?

  What is it?

   Will the music consume me, take me to the parts of my mind it shouldn't?

  Give me hope?

Give me death?

  Give me rest?

  Give me breath?

  Give me pain?

  Give me hurt?

  Or... or will it give me meaning

   Maybe all these emotions I receive from music is staying. It's not just a temporary thing, that anger from rap, I felt it for an hour and now it's in me. It's attached to me, linking on to frustration, latching to sadness. Is it building me. Making me who I am?

  Or... is all of this breaking me down?

  The music is happy... but these words... they talk about death... blood...

   It isn't right to deceive people like that.

  What are you doing?

   If it's a sad song, could you please put in a minor tune, or do you like this?

  Does heart break, death and blood make you happy?

  Is this a happy song to you?

  Does it make you feel better, expressing yourself?

  You're scaring me... because honestly when you don't feel anymore... thats when it's bad.

  When you're numb, you don't know what's happening.

  When you can't feel the pain... you could go too far.

  When everything is as light as a feather to you, you're being dragged down by something too heavy.

  When death makes you happy... maybe you should take a step backwards...

  When you smile at that person that just "fell" off the building... maybe you should... maybe you should just close your eyes, breath and just...

  That person is dying...

  Is that how you want to be?

  Does death not scare you?

  Because... I was deep, I was long gone, smiling during every sad song, my mother would almost scowl at me... I was far away... but I still felt things... when I felt.... nope...      when I felt I woke up.

  I stopped.

  I became scared.

   I turned around then. Just made a u-turn.

   So, as I'm driving back to where I took the wrong exit, I pick up those walking to where I was heading, and...

   I've got plenty of room.

   Don't go down there... its scary.