Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Twenty-four

It was a sunny winter day, and you wouldn't actually have needed a thick quilted jacket and a hoodie on top of a t-shirt, but I wore them as Kuisma had insisted. He was cloaked under layers as well and carried a backpack, which content he wouldn't reveal either. I think it was a payback for keeping my cat-boat dream a secret.

We walked towards the other end of the long road that passed our school and continued all the way to the center. I had no idea how far it would extend to our current direction, but I imagined it was a long, long road.

We followed the road for twenty minutes or so before turning to a smaller street that took us to a pathway that took us into a forest.

The snow underneath our feet creaked when we walked and every now and then a bird sang, but otherwise it was quiet. I couldn't remember the last time I had been in a forest, even though there was one near my old apartment, but Kuisma walked in front of me like he knew the place with his eyes closed.

We were walking a gently sloping hill, and I was getting out of breath when I tried to keep up with Kuisma. I promised myself, for the millionth time, I would start running or going to the gym or even walk more often. I had a feeling that wasn't going to happen. Kuisma was walking effortlessly, but that wasn't such a big surprise since he basically lived in the gymnasium these days.

We arrived to a small glade and only then I realized how high up we were. I looked over the cliff and could see half the town. I didn't know that side of the town, but there were fields, a lake, houses and farms as far as eye can see.

"See that house over there?" Kuisma pointed a detached house not so far away: "My parents live there."

There was a wooden bench, that was
made of two rocks and a thick board, and Kuisma spread a camping underlay on it. He sat down and I followed his lead.

"Coffee?" Kuisma waved a thermos bottle he dug out of his backpack.

"Always", I agreed with a smile. For some time we sat there in silence sipping coffee from our mugs and looking at the view.

"Why are we here?" I broke the silence.

"I come here every year this day and I felt like taking you with me", Kuisma seemed wistful when he talked.

"Why this day?" I asked hoping I wasn't being too inquisitive.

"When we moved here I used to come here all the time. I felt like I could leave my worries down there and here I was above everything", he began and was quiet for some time again before continuing: "At some point I kind of forgot this place, but I always remember it this day."

I didn't ask him what the day meant for him, but I had a feeling it was something painful and that he didn't really want to talk about it. I felt like coming there was something Kuisma had to do, and that being there made him sad, but I felt flattered he took me with him. This was a special — a personal — place for him and he wanted to share it with me.

"I'm glad you took me with you, it's beautiful here", I told him and smiled. Kuisma looked at me gratefully and smiled back.

Do I have to tell you that moment I realized I loved him so much it hurt? Or that I really, really wanted to kiss him right there and right at that moment?

Instead I was being a good friend and ruffled his hair like I imagined a friend would do. I guess it helped, because soon the atmosphere turned brighter and lighter and Kuisma seemed ever so relieved. We made jokes, smiled and laughed. It really was like we were above all of our worries.

Then, out of the blue, Kuisma wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in a tight embrace. I was astonished and my heart skipped a beat before it started fluttering like an overeager drummer. I wondered if Kuisma could hear it.

"Thank you", Kuisma mumbled his face still buried in the fabric of my jacket. I didn't know what to say, so I just hugged him a little tighter. Then he whispered something I couldn't make out.

"What did you say?" I asked him.

"Nothing", Kuisma denyed quickly and pulled out of the embrace. I felt cold as soon as his boby wasn't against mine.

"Let's go", Kuisma continued, and maybe he was cold too because his face was red, so I just helped him to pack.

"I really want to know what you said", I demanded when we were on our way back to the dormitory.

"It's a secret", Kuisma laughed and turned to look at me over his shoulder. He had a sunny smile on his face, so at least he didn't mind me asking.

"Come on! I'll tell you about my dream, if you tell me what you said", I suggested.

"Just keep dreaming."