Rotten Apple

Eat of the apple so young

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04/19/2002

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That was it. Just like that, he had left. And I was here. In this bar. Drowning the harsh reality at the bottom of a bottle, my pain within. The distance had already taken a toll on us, but it wasn't meant to end this way. He had been stumbling down that path for some time. The joy in his eyes replaced by a blank stare. That smile of his fading away with time. He had become a ghost, a light breeze when he walked by us. He had the need to get better, the will to change. But the call of the needle was always stronger. The consuming call that was dragging him further away. It was his coping mechanism with the real world, with issues, with pretty much anything. He was killing himself to stay alive. And I was there all along, we all were, for him. Trying to help him out of that dark room, wanting to be the key that would unlock the door. But it was never enough. The darkness stole away his soul, leaving a void that couldn't be filled. And now, he was gone. He had been up there for two weeks, watching us frome above. Two weeks where everyone was going their own way and doing their own things, clueless that the demon he was struggling with had finally taken care of him. Clueless that the world had lost an angel who was taken for granted by many.

The memories from the old times were popping back into my mind. The day we met, our first times in the studio, they were all coming back to me. We had so much more to do together, so many untold stories that will forever stay untold. Every lyric he had written, every song he had sang with his unreal voice, had affected lots of people's lives. But most importantly, it was his simple presence that had an impact on many of us, and in the best way possible.
He was loving, and he was loved. He always managed to put a smile on people's faces. He was the down-to-earth guy who would brighten up your day. The guy who would make you feel at ease anytime you talked to him. The guy who would give you the wisest advices while making the most sensless things. And yet, he was no longer on earth. He was now the light lighting up our way from above. The one we will see each time we gaze at the stars.

Nonetheless, the overwhelming feeling of guilt was still taking over me. I felt guilty for being miles away when he needed me the most. I was angry at myself for not being able to rescue him out of that hole. He was down in it, laying there all weak. Even though I had tried for so long, the slide was too slippery to climb back up from it. It was too hard for him, so he kept sliding down the slide until he reached the end.

I already missed him, and I will keep missing him. Looking back, we had had rough patches, but never for too long and never big ones. He was, and still is my brother. The one who was there in my times of need. We had been through so much, both seperately and together. But we always found the way through it, well except for this matter...
He was a part of me now. Even when he is resting on the otherside, he will be present in my heart, warming up my soul when it gets too cold. I know he is in a better place, he eventually found the peace he was seeking for. Here or not here, he will always be loved and cared for.

I'll see you, Layne.

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19 years ago today, we lost a legend. We all miss you so much. I still can't believe you're not with us anymore. You were an incredible musician and the sweetest person. Such a kind soul. Such an inspiration. I really wish I could've met you. You had so much more in you that people didn't see and it's so unfortunate. We know you're in a better place now. Thank you so much for the gifts you have brought to us. We love you Layne. ♥︎♥︎♥︎