Everything Will be Dark

Part One: Resurrection

The therapist smiled. Damn, she was starting to hate that bloody half-smirk of his. Even when she was being so obviously difficult, he still just kept on smiling.

'And what about your college years? You've said before that you loved university?'

Emily bit into an old ulcer inside her mouth, stoking the embers of the wound with her tongue.

'Yes.' She sighed in irritation. 'I loved uni. It was fun; I enjoyed the freedom you didn't get at school. I enjoyed picking module subjects to make up my course. The library was incredible. I definitely made the most of my time there.'

'In what way?'

She rolled her eyes. 'Well it wasn't all study, study, study. The night life was amazing, so much to do and get involved in. We used to go to the band nights and to the comedy events too.' Emily allowed herself a small smile. 'There was this one guy who used to the regular Friday night slot, he was hilarious. You know the kind that would make tears roll down your face until you could barely breathe from laughing.' She stopped when she caught him making notes.

'What was his name?' he asked without bothering to look up from his pad.

'H-His name?' Emily frowned, feeling the deep scars ripple across her forehead in troubled concentration. 'I....I don't know. Can't remember.'

He looked up. 'You used to go and watch this comedian every Friday night but you can't remember his name?'

'No.'

His pen hovered just above the page. 'And your friends at university? What were they called? Tell me a bit about them.'

Emily didn't like the way he was looking at her, it was as if his eyes were burrowing under her skin, rooting around in her flesh like some kind of parasitic bug.

'Why are we even talking about this?' she snapped sullenly. 'What does it matter what they were called or what he was called? None of this has anything to do with why I'm here.'

'You're being purposely evasive, Emily. We've talked about this before. You might not see or remember anything from your past that could have triggered your depression, but I'm trained to spot holes in history and little idiosyncrasies that could actually mean something. After all, that is why we're here, is it not? To find something. No matter what that might be.'

The books behind her were sniggering now, Emily was sure she could hear their reedy little snickers whispering up her spine. You can't fool this guy, they were saying, he's one of us, he's an expert.

Screw you, thought Emily, if he was an expert, he'd have bloody found something by now, instead of making me sit here week after week, taking my money and coming up with jack-shit.

'But there really aren't any holes or idiosyncrasies as you say,' Emily insisted. 'You know when they say school days are the best of your life? Well my college days were mine. Things were...easier then. I didn't feel like this. I was happy. I really was.'

Emily's protests were met with a few awkward seconds of silence. She knew this trick too. He wanted his silence to prompt her to keep talking and then maybe, just maybe, he'd find some tasty morsel as he scuttled around under her skin and finally he would say there, you see, I was right!

Instead, he said nothing and so, neither did she. Stale-mate, Mr Smarty-Bloody-Pants.

Finally, the therapist spoke, slicking his tongue across his bottom lip before he began. 'This is good. It really is. We've established that your college years were pleasant, enjoyable. You were very happy. And yet, at some point since then, something has changed in your life. You've admitted to some agoraphobic tendencies. You're struggling when you leave your house. You find no enjoyment in your life now, and yet can remember times when you were happy. Now the question is, has something happened since you were at university or was that part of your life as wonderful as you say?'