Crossing Lines

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Originally written: February 23, 2021. Yeah future me here sooo I only went back to change like a few paragraphs that looked wayy to stupid and added a few bits and pieces, but that’s it.

I've been living here for 14, almost 15 years.

I like it here, I like it a lot. I probably wouldn't be who I am today if I wasn't raised here.

Often, late at night, while everyone's snoring away and dreaming dreams that were way above their heads, I'd stay awake, staring up at the ceiling to think. The swerving, bumpy and crooked patterns above could be distracting to most - a little ugly too if I'm telling the truth - but I find it to be interesting to look at too. I look at the ceiling way too much to be considered normal, and right when I think I've memorized every single pattern by heart, I find something new that makes the ceiling even more abstract.

I also find stepping over the reflections of lights in grocery stores mighty interesting as well though, so maybe it's just me being easily caught up over the simplest things. Anyway, whether it was the way my mind works or if it was the pattern's intended purpose, looking at it helps me think better.

I think about tons of stuff at night - if I was raised somewhere else, somewhere much bigger, would I be the same? Would I be snooty? Lackadaisical? What about my family? How would they be?

Jacqueline, my oldest sister, wouldn't change too much. Despite her fancy-sounding name, she's, and I know I shouldn't be saying this about my own sister - a total dumbass. Not on a supreme, concerning level, don't get me wrong. She's just so stupid that it makes others feel aggravated. She's had a wave of boyfriends enter and leave this house, all of which cheated on her with disproportionate girls with eyelash extensions. 

Right now, she's seeing one of the guys who cheated on her again, because only she's foolish enough to fall for that 'Please baby, I only love you!' crap. It might sound mean, but I don't wanna be around when she finds out he cheated on her again.

She's a bitch too. We can't ride in her car if our shoes aren't completely spotless. When something doesn't go her way, she'll find some far-fetched excuse to blame it on one of us. She stays in the shower for an hour straight - I'm not kidding - to make sure every inch of her hair gets cleansed from the germs she contracts from 'filthy losers' at school. She's my sister, so I love her and all, but Christ is she horrible to be around. Being raised in a different environment wouldn't change her in the slightest, the very moment she slid out into the world, she was destined to be like…that.

Kyle's my older brother, but only by a year. I have to remind him sometimes on the rare occasion he gets too cocky. Being somewhere different, he'd probably become a jerk...but he wouldn't be so depressed. He's never had that big of a self-esteem, so dealing with Jackie's crap and schoolwork couldn't make things any better for him.

There's been a rumor going around that he's actually adopted, that wasn't helping either. I can't blame people for thinking something so crazy, though; My mom, Jackie, and I have brown hair and brown eyes...or at least, Jackie did have them until she dyed her hair pink and shoved blue contacts in her eyes. She looked pretty before, and she's still pretty now, but it's disheartening to think about sometimes.

Kyle? He's a redhead, and his eyes were naturally blue. Maybe he got his looks from my dad's side, but I don't see a chance of that ever being confirmed. I don't believe he's adopted - Mom's bad at lying. I love him a lot though, adopted or not. He's cool when he's not moping around or in a mood, and he's really talented at computer stuff when he's happy. He's a better role model than Jackie, that's for sure.

He'd be happy if he lived somewhere else, I know it.

And y’know then there’s me, I exist too. That's a topic I don't focus on for too long, it gets more and more depressing every time. Things could've been ugly if I was raised somewhere else - a silly possibility, but it had a chance of happening. A friendless, ridiculed loser, forever stuck in the bathroom to eat school lunches.  Thank God Mom decided otherwise.