SOMETIMEStoday went well. Better than it usually goes, actually. ICANT I am feeling more sadEVENthanPROCESSangryMYOWNEXISTENCE.im off my medicineWEAREALLHERETOWORKANDSUFFERANDDIEALONESOWHYBOTHERPUTTINGand it's nearly impossible to figureINANYEFFORTWHENTHEWORLDDOESNTOut what thoughts are mineCAREWBOUTYOUATALL?WHATIt all seems to blend into onePURPOSEDOWESERVE,BILLIE?WHATISTHEREASONI haven'tfeltthiswayinalongtime WEFIGHTTOLIVE?BOTHERTOEAT,SLEEP,OR BREATHE?I can breathe a little YOUVEWORKED Better when my window is openSOHARDYETlife is so difficult for me. I am so angry NOONEHAD with everyone EVENNOTICED.SHE in my life, honestly. NEVERLOVEDYOUANDNOWYOUAREALONE.IWARNED I feel abandoned. YOUTODOBETTERANDNOWWEAREALONE. Being this way sucks. I had hoped I WHYAREWEALWAYSALONE?WHATISITABOUTUSTHATTHEYHATE?THEFACT WOULD GROW OUT OF THIS. THATISISNTONLYME?ISITBECAUSEITSThese movies crack me up. US?IAMTRAPPEDANDYOUCANTHOLDITAGAINSTI wish my voices were scary instead of suicidal. SOWHYJUDGEME.IAMPITIYINGYOUFORALLTHESHIT My brain is being splitYOUVEPUTUS right along the middleTHROUGHIDIDNTASKTOBEBORNTHISWAY,THROUGH.YOUAREANEMBARASSMENT.
I often wonder what being deaf would feel like. The complete absence of every and all sound for every hour of your life. It must be so peaceful. Hearing is overwhelming. My head is blasting loud all hours of the day, louder than any sound our ears can process. High pitched and screeching, constantly and crudely reminding you of all your flaws. Tonight I was in bed plugging my ears, having two different dialogues at once. It was so mentally straining that I formed a migraine that felt like my head was splitting itself open. My medication turns me into this zombie...I would look at trees for hours. No individuality or personality, but off of it I gain my energy and life back. Only downside is I'm overwhelmed with noise constantly. Tell me, journal, what should I do? Fin has been really nice about all this, and has allowed me to move in with him. So because of that the topic of medicine came up and It's as if me taking it would result killing my emotional self, and not taking it is going to result in me killing my physical self. Someone has to die, and I can't seem to figure out who. Mind my rambling, Journal, I'm in so much pain I cannot stop talking even if I tried. It's so loud. Everything is just loud all the damn time. It makes me angry. I want to scream and pull all my hair out. It's getting worse by the minute and I don't know how long this wave could last me. I'm going to try to
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in·san·i·ty | B.E (HIATUS)
FanfictionEverything was so sweet, until you tried to kill me.
