A Profound Bond

Chapter 3: Making Things Right

Last night felt wrong, the wall broke down and he finally realised that he couldn't keep kissing, and sleeping and cuddling with Jess if he didn't really mean it, it wasn't fair to either of them. It was early when he decided to do it, only around eleven am but he didn't want to hold off.

He found himself sat on his and Jess' bed as she got herself ready for the day, staring at the floor rather than her, he was trying to convince himself not to back out and find the right words to explain everything to her. "Sam are you alright?" Jess asked him as she set her hair brush down on the dresser, turning around from the mirror to face him.

Sam looked up taken from his thoughts and froze, he couldn't help but stare. He was about to lose someone he considered a friend and yes he may not like Jess in a romantic or sexual way but he still loved her. When they'd first met it was coffee dates and Roadhouse dinners, they laughed and joked and he could confide in her whenever needed and she could do the same.

She was no longer the smart and cute paralegal that worked in his department, she was Jess smart, funny, caring Jess. "What?- why are you staring at me like that?" An awkward smile appeared on her face as she chuckled nervously.

"Jess we need to talk."

Jess nodded, "Okay.. about what?"

"Can you, c'mere?- just sit with me?- what I have to say is.. it's a lot."

She didn't hesitate and came over to the bed sitting next to Sam but her soon to be ex kept his distance as not to give her the wrong idea. "You deserve the truth." He said, "Ever since I was eighteen I've been sleeping with Gabriel, and it stopped after we got together but then we had that fight last week and I.. went to him and I got drunk -not that it's an excuse- but we had sex."

Jess blinked back in complete surprise "You're gay?" Sam looked down nodded guiltfully, "Yeah I am.. I've known since I was thirteen, but I was terrified so I repressed it, and it changed me, for the worst." He sighed "I treated Gabriel horribly and I cheated on you with him."

"Why did you string me along for an entire year?" Jess asked, genuinely confused and extremely hurt that this was coming -to her- out of nowhere, "I wanted to be straight Jess I wanted to be normal, I didn't even realise that it was wrong until Gabe gave me the wake up call I've been needing since I was a kid."

"Sam.." She was speechless, "I don't know what to say.."

"Jess I'm so sorry."

Jess nodded, at least she acknowledged his apology, "I need time, to get my things and move out." She said firmly, managing to keep her tears at bay, though sniffling just a bit. Jess was strong she knew how to handle her emotions and despite how she felt breaking down over relationship not going the way she hoped was not something she wanted to do.

"-Jess I can get a new place-"

"No it's fine, I want to move out okay?"

Sam nodded, whatever she needed he would give, it was literally the least he could do "I think I'm gonna stay with Dean for a few days, give you some time to pack."

"Yeah I think that's best." She paused, "How long have you two been.."

"We aren't together, we never have been- I mean yes we have had sex before for years even but it stopped when you and I started going out that was the first time in a long time me and Gabe.." He trailed off but she understood, Jess always felt Sam and Gabriel were closer than normal, but she never wanted or expected it to be true. Sam was the perfect guy she'd always dreamed of tall, sexy, handsome, adorable, extremely smart- a bit of a nerd, nice, funny, protective but not too much, caring, sweet, never forgets important events.. she couldn't believe that he was gay.