Just like the nurse had told him, Brett calmed down a lot after 6pm. He was mostly sleeping peacefully.
Eddy had let him listen to Tchaik, played by Hilary Hahn, one of his absolute favourits. Eddy liked to think Brett fell asleep to it, it seemed like it at least.
There had been some loving words exchanging and lots of kissing, but now he was mostly out of it and Eddy knew he probably wouldn't be able to interact with him no more.
Eddy didn't leave him though, not for a second. He had given his promises and he was to keep them!
Right now Brett was lying on his left side, he had moved that way himself, in a fussy moment. Eddy was spooning him, holding him. Curling his own a bit longer and bigger body around Brett's, shielding him from everything, like he used to. All the time.
Not able to see his face, but it was ok, knowing he was probably sleeping deeply.
Eddy loved lying like that (too!) making him able to play with Brett's hair in his face. As much as he hated being tickled all over his body, he didn't mind tickling hair in his face as long as he was the one in control of it. And as long as it was his lover's hair. He loved lying like that, sniffling and smelling the scent of it. Brett always used the same shampoo and his hair always smelled the same. It filled him with a kind of soothing, comforting feeling. It was familiar, it felt safe. He hoped his closeness to Brett now felt the same way to him. Eddy smelled the same as he used to, he felt the same as he used to.
That's why he had been taking some extra time to a properly shower that morning, using the shampoo and shower gel Brett was used to from him. That's why he had brought with him a hoody, soft and smooth, which he had actually used the day before, so it had a little scent of him in it, which he wasn't able to sniff out himself (like it is with everybody. Everyone has their own scent, but nobody can feel their own), and Brett knew the scent of their newly washed clothes as well. Everything was supposed to be famliar and safe to him.
Eddy had put a lot of thoughts into it.
He was careful to have a lot of skin-contact as well, always holding his hand, his wrist, snuggling his neck.. anything, to let Brett know he was there. Every second. Not leaving him.
In the early evening Eddy fell asleep himself. Feeling Brett's whole body close to him, being very aware of him even in his dreams, he dreamed he was on a field.
A butterfly, a red one, came up to him, it landed on his nose at first. He let it move to sit on his hand, and he pressed it ever so softly and carefully to his chest, feeling himself filled with love. He opened his hand and made it possible for the butterfly to fly away, but it didn't. It flipped its wings, like a greeting, and Eddy threw it up in the air to make it fly. It did eventually, but it didn't leave him. Eddy started running on the field, playfully, and the butterfly followed him, flying everywhere around him. Every once in a while pecking his nose again.
Eddy got a short glance of himself from the outside, seeing himself as a youth. And he knew the whole time in the dream in a weird way that butterfly was Brett. He new right from the get-go. Because of how it made him feel inside. Only Brett in the whole wide world could make him feel that way. That's how he knew.
Eddy woke from that dream feeling in every fiber inside of him that Brett would never leave him. He would always be around. If there was an afterlife, Brett would be flying around him. Maybe disguised as a butterfly, you never know.
But that feeling inside was strong and peaceful.
All his fears and sorrows of Brett leaving him was gone, knowing for a fact that he would always be around. Somewhere. He would just be the first one to move on, the one to lead the way. And he would wait for him, the day when Eddy's time would come.
It's not true that there was no sorrow. Because there was. A lot!
And now, with Brett sleeping peacefully, not able to see him no more, Eddy let his tears flow. Not as if Brett could hear him, he was still determined to stay strong and safe, no. He wasn't crying making any sound, but he could let himself go a tiny bit, hiding behind his lover's back.
-I love you so much, and I know you know. I'll keep telling you anyway. And I'm gonna miss you so bad! How am I supposed to do all of this alone? I hope you know how much you mean to me! I hope I was careful enough to show you, every day. Even if there were days we didn't talk. I hope you knew anyway!
He stroked Brett's hair, pulled him closer, intertwined their fingers.
