Eddy waited patiently outside the door of Brett's room when he got up again, hearing Brett's family was still in there.
He felt calm and empty, dizzy and having a tiny headache from not having eaten. He knew he should have.
He sighed, closed his eyes and listened to some music.
Suddenly the door opened and they got out. All heartbroken, not able to more than nod and give Eddy a handshake before leaving. Except mrs.Yang. She really was something special!
-You go get the car, I'll have to have some words with Eddy!, she shushed her husband away down the corridor.
Eddy smiled.
-Eddyyyyy! SON! She squealed and hugged him, her head to his chest, wholeheartedly. -Look at you! SO handsome! How are you? Son-in-law!
She looked straight up at him, her warm, kind eyes, felt like penetrating him, he looked away.
-I.. I... I don't know anymore...
He thought he was done crying, but appearently not.
-Come on, come on, she said and towed him to a bench. While they were sitting down she was able to reach him a little bit more, she was a short lady compared to him.
She took his hands between hers again, like that day in her kitchen, that felt like ages ago.
-I was SO happy when Brett told me you finally got married, what were you guys waiting for?? She jolted his shoulder with her fist and a tiny laugh. -You've been meant to be for as long as I can imagine! We all knew!
-Yeah, except for me, he sighed.
-Oh come on, dont be so hard on yourself, I'm just kidding you! Or not!
She blinked.
-You want a candy?
She reached him a hard lemon-candy, like those ones she had had in her pocket for all those years.
-I remember these! He said, a little lighter. -All of us teens were always filled with expectations going home to Brett, knowing you would stick to us some of them!
She laughed. -A little stroll down memory-lane, huh?
-Uhu. They still taste the same.
-You know you're a big boy now, you can buy them for yourself, right?
-Nah. I 'll always link them to you. I bet they dont taste the same when they're not picked out from your pocket!
She chuckled again. -I left some for Brett. He was happy, he's so thirsty, poor guy! Just make sure he's not falling asleep with one in his mouth!
-I'll watch out for that.
-It's painful you know, now when he's not acting like himself, Eddy sniffled. -Like... I hope he understands what's happening.
Actually, I hope not, he corrected himself.
-Yeah, he's a little confused. That's normal. We should try forget those moments, and worship when he's not, when he's with us you know?
-Yeah. I just hope he understands that I'm here with him, the whole way, and that he remembers the "wedding".
-He does! He told me! He was so proud! Like a child! I can see some of the child in him again now, when he acts like that. Baby-Brett is still in there!
And he told us you're gonna stay with him till it's over. He doesn't want no other to be there. And yes, he was loud and clear.
It's gonna be tough, but you'll both be fine. This is how life ends and... Look at it this way! He's lucky! He knew what was gonna happen, he was able to decide it himself, he's in no pains, and he's got his lover by his side! It's gonna be quick. He's just gonna pass away in his sleep. In your arms! He is a lucky guy!
Eddy wasn't able to response, just trying to let her words sink in.
-Son! She sighed, stroking his ring. -I'm so proud of you guys. You made it! Even though life is short sometimes! You've been so so good to him, always! Every day, every year! I'm forever grateful he found you!
And even when he's gone, don't be a stranger, huh?
-Ok, Eddy whispered, he had lost his voice again.
-Drop by every once in a while, I'll make you some cookies and tea. And I'll have these you know! She teased, referring to the lollies.
Eddy tiptoed into Brett's room again, he looked like he was sleeping.
Suddenly he opened his eyes though.
-Eddyyyy! My man!! You so handsome! He lit up, sounding like his mum.
-Heeeeyyy beautiful, how're you feeling?
-Great, as soon as you entered the room!
-Eddyyyy! Where you going?! Come ereeee! Brett sounded sore.
-I'm coming, just gonna take off my shirt and put on something more comfortable! Eddy stumbled into the bathroom and cried over the sink, while he let the water running. He looked at himself in the mirror.
This is gonna be Hell!
Come on! Stay strong!
Eddy crawled back into the bed with his husband. Brett had gotten so so tiny, there was plenty of room for them both.
He let out his left arm and let Brett cuddle up against him. Lying on his right side he wouldn't be in the way for any of the tubes on Brett's left.
Brett fell asleep, an uneasy and restless sleep. He was in and out of it.
-Eddy?
-Yeah?
-We're musicians right?
-Yes, we are. Eddy tried to hide the fact that his heart shattered to pieces.
-I don't remember...
-We play the violin, both of us. Eddy sighed.
-Oh.
-Uhu.
Eddy stroked Brett's left arm which was resting on his chest.
-I want you to have Practicia when I'm gone.
-Hm?
Suddenly Brett was there again. HIS Brett. Loud and clear, as his mother called it.
-Yeah, the violin.
-Brett....
-But you gotta promise you're gonna play her! Every second day at least! That's my standing agreement with her!
Eddy was touched. His eyes welled up with tears.
-I told my mum. She knows. She agreed. They don't need it for anything!
I love you!
- And I love you. Try rest now.
-Yeah.
Some minutes later Brett was fussing again.
-Honey! Try to calm down! I'm here, Eddy whispered.
Suddenly Brett was all over him with burning kisses. Oh, those terribly dry lips! Eddy couldn't stop himself from joining though, running his hand into his hair.
He could feel his hunger. Now Eddy was the confused one.
-Calm down, he tried in between deep, loving kisses.
-Fuck me!
-BRETT! Shush! Eddy didn't know wether he was about to laugh or cry. This reminded him about drunk-Brett, but drunk-Brett he could get safely home and tuck into bed, knowing he would be better the next day. This Brett was not getting any better. This Brett was slipping for him. His brain was about to shut down.
-Pleaseeee, Brett purred.
-Nononono, we're in a hospital, we can't do that now! You should try to rest!
-It's been sooooo loooonggg! Brett complained.
-No, it has not. I did you 2 days ago, you remember?
-Oh!
-Yeah. Sleep honey. Sleep.
-Ok.
Please!
Eddy felt awful with that feeling. But it was just.. too much. He was heartbroken seeing how his love changed as the hours went by.
Eddy told the nurse when she entered the next time. She insisted them to talk outside the door.
-He's restless and fussing a lot!
-That's common. Confused?
-Hell yeah!
The nurse smiled. -That's all how it's coming down.
-Why?
- A mix of the drugs he's given and the fact that his body is closing down. Some of the braincells are inactivated.
-Like... they're dying?
-Yes. And we don't know exactly how this works out, thats why we are not allowed to talk in front of him. We dont know wether he hears or he understands or not. And we're never talking over the head of someone.
What we DO know, is that the ability to hear and feel someone's touch is the last one we lose. That's why we recommend relatives to stay when loved ones pass. We know they can feel and hear us.
You should hold him and talk to him.
-I got some music... maybe that'll calm him down a bit. It usually does.
-That's great! The doctor told me to start up his last medications at 6. Now its,... 5
-Yeah. That means that after you do that he won't.... wake up again?
- Yeah, that's what it means. I mean, he can have some moments, but we don't actually know how it's gonna be. It's gonna be peaceful.
-I hope so! This is not!
-I know! Its a struggle right now, he'll get much calmer as soon as I increase the sedatives. You're doing great Eddy! It's easy to see how much he loves you! He talks about you a lot, and he's been waiting for you.
She squeezed his shoulder, and then Brett started calling for him.
Eddy rushed inside.
-I'm right here babe!
-Why did you leave me??
-I didn't leave you! I was right outside, talking to the nurse!
-I can't have that! Brett said, sounding hurt.
-Nonono, I'll stay, I'll stay! I'm not going anywhere, I promise!
-Yeah, you promised!
-Yes, I did! And now I'm gonna lie down here next to you, and I'm not moving again, ok? Maybe I'll have to go to the toilet though... but I'll stay!
Brett clinged onto him, his tiny fingers were fisted around the fabric in his hoody.
-I'm scared! Brett whispered.
-I know! I know! But I'm staying. I'll be lying here beside you, and I'll follow you on the way for as long as I can, ok?
-Ok
-I'll follow you till the end of the world.
The rest you gotta do by yourself.
Knowing Brett actually did read his minds sometimes, these thoughts broke Eddy's heart.
He was about to cry again as he pulled Brett closer and hid his tears in his hair.
