Road to Wrestlemania 2020: A Buddy Murphy Fanfiction

February 19, 2021: The Beginning of the End?

"Hannah," he sighed. "We have to talk..."

"Why? You've been happy to not talk to me all week." I said, my voice thick with acid.

He reached out and wiped my tears. I wanted nothing more than to kiss away the sadness displayed on his face. Instead, I leaned back until my head hit the bed and his hand dropped back to his lap.

His accent thickened with his next words, "I'm sorry. I've been...I don't even know. I've just been upset and didn't feel like dealing with it."

"Me too," I said and wiped away fresh tears. "But we have to. It's not going to get better if we don't." I wasn't convinced that it was going to get better if we did either.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. This was the moment we didn't want to happen, and he didn't ease into it. "Why don't you want to marry me?"

Tension surged between us. It was damn near suffocating, or maybe that was just the jolt of panic that ran through my entire body. The tears stopped as if he had flipped the off switch I didn't know I had. His sad eyes never left mine, even as the silence stretched out.

I remember drowning in those eyes time and time again. One look from him could stop me in my tracks and mix up all my thoughts. But, at this moment, it smothered me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Marriage is...a lot. Marriage is-" I searched for the word. I wanted to tell him how I felt even if I didn't perfectly understand it. I just wasn't sure how to explain it. "Permanent."

"So you're saying that you don't think we're permanent?" His tone changed from pained to defensive.

I shrank backward, "no! No, that's not what I'm saying. Murphy," I caught his eyes with mine again and willed him to believe me. "If there was anyone in this world that I could marry. It's you. You are everything to me."

"That doesn't make any sense. Either you love me and want to be with me or you don't. Hannah, it can't be both. It just can't."

"I want to. I don't want this to end us."

"This won't. You will!"

I recoiled and wrapped my arms around myself as if I could protect my heart from those words. He pursed his lips into a flat line as though he hadn't meant to say that. Silence built between us again.

"I know that I'm not easy to love," I said, my voice so low I wasn't sure he could hear me.

"Yes, you are," he whispered. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm just...frustrated."

"Can I just try to explain this to you?"

"Please," he nodded.

I took a deep breath and sat up straighter. This was the ugly truth that I never wanted him to admit to anyone, much less Murphy. "Okay, I am a runner. That's what I do. That's how I keep myself safe. I ran from my hometown to escape all the painful memories of my parents. I ran to Australia when I got injured right after breaking up with Dolph. I ran from having a real home to keep from feeling stuck. Then the pandemic happened. I got stuck here and moved in with you. Obviously, that worked out for us. But, to me, it was terrifying. I was stuck and I just kept thinking about how to get out if it all went bad."

Murphy was watching me as I spoke. I paused to take a deep breath and he opened his mouth. I held up my hand. "I'm not finished." he nodded so I continued. "I was bracing for a storm that never came. Despite all the nonsense at work, I never wanted to leave. For the first time, I wanted to fight to keep someone around...I wanted you around."