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I used to think love happened like Disney fairytales that swept the girl off her feet. That there was a conflict and a hero, and the hero came and stayed forever the first time they met. That if she believed hard enough that this charming guy was her forever, then it would be. The conflict would be resolved first time around and everything would be smooth sailing from that moment on. That it was perfect with no hiccups and if I just trusted that it was like the movies then it really would be like the movies and not the broken version of love my parents gave me as an example. That it wasn't slamming doors and raised voices late at night, or empty bottles covering countertops and nights out in the recliner while the other slept in the bed. It wasn't lashing out at the kids who were doing their best to walk on broken glass on tiptoes in order to keep the quiet and surprise the mess that threatened to rage like a storm around the house.

Eventually I came to realize that love is heartache and growth and understanding and some more growth and ferris wheels of highs and lows together while drinking coffee in the early mornings and getting drunk together late at night while listening to some random playlist your friends put on while making chicken in the kitchen. It is sometimes crying late at night because you feel like you're not enough even as the other reassures you time and time again that you are. That sometimes what you believe is love is the other person's bridge to finding their forever. Sometimes you are the temporary home for people. But one day you will be the permanent stop for someone. They will make you comfortable the first time you meet with warm smiles shared and can make it a pure experience of just being seen by someone, they will start to become your definition of comfort and eventually their embrace is the one you long for more than anything else. Their smile makes you smile. Looking into their eyes doesn't make you fear something bad will happen and instead you can find a calming gaze and inner peace by meeting their eyes. Holding their hand doesn't feel like an aggressive possessive mannerism, but instead it's the touch you want to have all the time so you can feel their fingers intertwined with yours and to feel the trace of their thumb along your hand.