present
Renjun wished he had taken more with him than some money and his phone, which he actually didn't need because he decided it was better to just simply turn it off to prevent anyone from locating him.
If somebody found him, they would surely bring Renjun back to Donghyuck, or they would at least let him know where he was. And then it would be over for the younger as soon as Renjun'd come back to Donghyuck. All effort Renjun had put into making Donghyuck letting him go would be futile.
It destroyed Renjun to leave him alone, but that was the only chance — as he believed — he had to make his loved one feel alive again. Renjun suffocated him with the way he had become, and he felt the inevitability he couldn't change. He could only watch how the boy he loved so much slowly despaired. It hurt him to see how his whole being had decomposed into nothing, but Donghyuck always tried his best to make it stop. They both knew it wouldn't stop. Yet the one who got suffocated by it was too stubborn to let him go to save himself. So Renjun had to act without his agreement. It was always meant for Donghyuck's best, even though the older knew his loved one wouldn't see it as this now.
After a long time Renjun finally reached the subway, he didn't know yet where it would take him. However, he knew that he needed to be as far as possible. Renjun couldn't leave Korea yet because of the passport control, but he believed that it was okay for now if he went as far as he could get with the subway and then settle in a motel far away from Donghyuck.
Fussy he pulled his cap deep over his face to prevent anyone from recognizing him. Even though Renjun had retired as an idol he still had a degree of after-fame. People would still take pictures of him talking about how dead he looked. They would suddenly agree with his departure of DREAM or push it on a sudden alcohol addiction or whatever mentally ill celebrities could be addicted to. Either way the publicity wouldn't be good.
Renjun remembers how bad the comments were before he left our group and how worse they got after he was gone. Apparently he left a mold, where no one else could fit in and it was obvious that there was something before. As much as his former members tried to conceal the missing piece, it was there. And how much he wished he would leave without letting scars which destroyed their perfect image, it didn't matter.
Small bickering in front of him captivated Renjun's mind, but he kept his head low to act as if he wasn't scared that they might be talking about him. His breath hitched as soon as he heard Donghyuck's name, then his own name fell, and he felt like throwing up.
He tried to make himself believe that it was just a coincidence that they were talking about him and that they didn't actually recognize him. They just like to talk about celebrities. Maybe they were fans.
"Don't you think they were a thing?"
The nausea came back again.
"Before Renjun left? Maybe. But look at Haechan's new pictures with his girlfriend. They look so cute together."
Breathe.
"As if he's gay. Don't be ridiculous."
Perfect. He loved that topic.
Breathe in and out. In and out. Everything's okay.
"Stop being close-minded! He could be."
Renjun didn't know whether he should chuckle or still feel sick about them talking about him. It was amazing how they talked about their sexualities as if they knew them. What did they know?
