Even If I Break In Two

Touchdown, Part 2

The bottles of wine, however, were not. Alcohol was the ficklest of friends, and in recent months she had enjoyed its company entirely too often. Turned out, Cabarnet and his friend Pinot had come to play tonight, and they stayed up late. Hours went by as she alternated between sips and gently stroking the keys, translating her mood from earlier into a haunting melody. What did it matter, she thought? She was on vay-cay-shun.....and it was ok that she was wine-sad, because the little impromptu party had yielded the first two verses of what she knew would eventually be her next great power ballad.

At least, that's what she hoped--- provided there was a time and place for those again? Chromatica had blown up, and morosely she speculated it was because of its LACK of ballads. Though 'Million Reasons' had exceeded their wildest expectations, it was not lost on Lady Gaga that her fans had missed the over-the-top dance bangers utterly lacking in 'Joanne.' So, with this sixth album, she left the ballads out and gave the people what they wanted.

Along with the songs, Chromatica had also brought back Gaga in force. The stripped-down version that everyone had seen in Joanne and during the film was excused. And with the exception of today, vulnerable, take-me-as-I-am Stefani retreated right along with her. She had gone right back to being full-time, larger than life. And, while she was grateful to be able to continue to amaze the public with her hyper-conceptual persona, she was also a little sad that it was the spectacle of Gaga that everyone seemed to want....more than simply.....her? She didn't know when that Stefani, and the types of songs that she wrote, would be welcome again. She hoped it would happen—hoped that in singing her soul for her country today that they would recognize her. But, in the meantime, she had Gaga, and for now that was just fine.

She was still thinking on that, allowing her mind to wander, as she finally went upstairs. Natali had made sure there were a couple of prepared meals in the fridge, and no one was on the schedule for the morning. Or the whole day for that matter. In fact, unless she called for them, the plan was that she would be on her own for the next two days, until she and Michael were scheduled to leave for the vacation he had planned.

Stefani considered this as she clumsily wiped off her "face" in the shower. Sarah had done such a good job with the makeup as always, but it was beyond smudged, and she had an almost obsessive need to be clean before ever going to sleep. 

After the initial wash, she turned the temperature up, opening her pores to get rid of the rest of the dirt from the previous day. It was at this point in the ritual that the tears usually came, and tonight...oops, now this morning... was proving to be anything but an exception. Normally, a good cry in the shower was actually cathartic. Just like the water getting rid of the dirt on her skin, the tears helped to clear away any of the residual garbage in her mind, leaving it clean and ready for rest. But, for some reason (maybe the wine?), she couldn't shake the feeling of anxiety. She was unsettled and her emotions were at war. She had just had the most amazing day. She was going on a surprise and undoubtedly wonderful vacation with her incredible boyfriend. And yet, she was sad. She felt incomplete, restless. Trapped? She wasn't sure. Theia could sometimes be an elusive goddess, and her gift of sight was currently nowhere to be found. As she drifted off, Stephanie wondered if it would come with the renewal found in sleep.

New York

He wasn't surprised that she didn't immediately respond. After all, she owed him nothing, and he could only hope she was receiving an onslaught of love and celebration after her incredible performance. 

At least, he hoped that was what was happening. Stefani had a way of closing in on herself after a really big show. Most people didn't recognize that she was a true introvert, and as much as she loved her fans, her team, and everyone in her life, the reserves of energy required to give so much at those events often ran out shortly after the initial sprint. Retreating was self-preservation—a way to regather her strength. But, at the same time, it took an emotional toll to go from being surrounded by hordes of people to being alone. She'd once confided that she hadn't found balance with it yet. Bobbi and Natali did a great job of helping her to regulate, making sure that Stefani got time every day--and especially on performance days-- to pull back from the frenzy of Gaga while still feeling supported and cherished by those she loved. But, balance was still hard.

He hoped that she'd find it in these next few days. And, maybe, open up the conversation once everything calmed down. Though he had no right, he missed her. Terribly.

The realities of his pandemic world did not help that. Distancing had been so hard, but as the virus spread, it became necessary. Between having a young child and the fragility of Gloria's medical conditions, he absolutely could not risk stepping too far out of the carefully constructed bubble he had built for them over the last year. Gloria's health was being carefully monitored, and he made sure to isolate from her and get a test on those instances where he had no choice but to go out, or to take Lea to her mother.

Committing to the townhouse in New York had also helped. It minimized travel, and although the City was a ghost of its former self, resources and convenience were still abundant. Irina had not taken things quite as seriously, but he knew she was she was still doing her best to keep safe--- if not for him, then for Lea and Gloria. They were making it work. Everything had been a choreographed dance to minimize exposure, while at the same time, giving them the best life he could.

In the end, he was grateful—so far, none of them had caught the virus. A vaccine was coming. And, in the meantime, Lea was thriving, despite the lack of interaction. Their family was small, but together. Irina's resentment over the end of their romantic relationship had waned, and the work of co-parenting was smoothing.

Still, it was hard. Though he never thought he'd say it, Bradley missed the hustle and bustle of Hollywood. In the pandemic world, everything had been just. so. quiet. And, as the months went by, he missed creating, and interacting, and working with amazing people on projects that made people think and feel. He missed the butterflies that came before shooting a big scene, or a special event. He also missed feeling them in anticipation of a special person. There hadn't been a special person since her. And even though he was the one that made it that way--- who had pushed her away until she ran--- he still wanted it. It had taken him a while to realize, though, that he didn't want it with just anyone. He wanted it with the only person who gave him butterflies of every color and nuance in the rainbow.