THIS IS ME TRYING, jonah marais

29

"daaaaaaad."

"i'm kidding bud. someone's 4th birthday is in five days."

"mine! it's mine."

"it sure is. and we're going to have a little celebration right here, just the three of us," i mention, looking at jonah for confirmation to make sure he's okay with that.

"yay! can we have toy story theme?" noah begs.

"i think we can make that work."

-

"em i just want to thank you for this. it really means a lot. i know i don't... deserve it," jonah says quietly, noah fast asleep in his arms.

we're still sitting on the couch, afraid to move and make too much noise.

"hey no need to thank me.. noah needed it. he tried his best to hide it but he missed you a lot. not a day went by that he didn't ask 'mommy, when is daddy coming home?'" i tell him.

"really?"

"yeah. you're his hero, you know."

a statement that should have made him smile instead makes him frown, "oh."

"oh?"

he sighs, "i haven't really been the greatest role model lately. i don't see why i would be his hero."

"jona-"

"you know i'm right. i've been an ass," he whispers the last word just in case.

"we should talk about that," i say before carefully getting up, "want a drink? water or something?"

"got any coffee? i'll put him to bed."

i laugh, "sure. do you still take yours the same?"

"of course."

as i'm making the coffee, i hear some movement from behind me and jonah enters the kitchen with my phone in his hand,

"what is this?"

i turn around to face him, "what?"

his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes scan the screen, "emerson what the hell is this?" his voice cracks and i can only guess at what he's found.

i remain silent, but it's clear he's not giving up without an answer.

"i- how long has she been doing this?" his voice comes out small, hurt by the words he's read.

"emerson?!"

"a while, jonah. i tried to tell you," i sigh.

"n-no this can't be right. she wouldn't do this. she wouldn't say these things to you," he mumbles to himself.

"you know me well enough to know that i would never lie about this or fake it. i kept the text messages for proof in case she ever lived up to her threats," i defend.

he sets my phone down on the counter before running his hands through his hair, "this can't be happening."

"i'm sorry... look maybe you should just sleep on it-"

"yeah.. yeah maybe. i'm not sure what to think right now."

i turn the coffee pot off, "you can take my bed. i'm going to be up writing for a bit."

he nods slowly, "a writing assignment for work?"

"... yeah."

he starts to head out of the room but he pauses; he walks back over to me and hesitantly pulls me into a hug.

due to the fact that i hadn't hugged him in what seems like forever, i'm caught by surprise. i hug him back nevertheless, soaking up the warm feeling.

"we'll still talk about everything later. goodnight em."

"... night jo."

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