Here's where you should stop reading if you won't handle it. It really doesn't look good for Brett. 😥
The doctor at the hospital wanted them to come early the next day.
Eddy could tell from the alarming voice in the phone, and how bad Brett looked while he got up that morning, that things were not good.
He knew it wasn't going to end well at all, but he had to keep it together for Brett, like he had done all the past months.
As for Brett, he knew. After all, he was the one feeling everything happen inside his body. He could feel how everything was about to shut down. It felt weird and unfamiliar, he'd never felt anything like that before, but he knew what it meant. There was something strange somehow, because the last tests had shown good results, he was responding nicely to the new chemo. His bloodcells were practically smiling on the doctor's screen.
But, he wasn't telling the whole truth about how he felt.
He didn't tell anyone about the pains that had emerged in his belly lately. He was keeping everything together for Eddy. He couldn't bring himself to burden him even more.
Since the doctor told him the last tests were better, he tried to convince himself that the pains were harmless.
The fact that he was feeling worse, he debunked as just being due to anything else. And IF he was about to get worse, well, then they both were probably better off without knowing anyway.
He wouldn't allow Eddy to be concerned or scared.
It would be better for them all if he just suddenly dropped dead, before anyone really knew what had happened.
Brett could tell how nervous Eddy was driving to the hospital. He tried to put a smile on his face and took Eddy's hand, squeezed it friendly.
He had to be strong, for him, the love of his life.
Eddy should NOT have to suffer!
Several hours passed running tests. Brett was so tired, Eddy couldn't believe why they didn't make him a bed! He hung over him, crying from exhaustion, Eddy was happy when they found a bench Brett could lie down on, after the last test.
They were shown there to wait for the doctor to analyze the scans.
Sitting there, with Brett's head in his lap again, he tried to relax, he tried to stay cool. Maybe Brett would finally fall asleep or something.
Which he did. At least for an hour. While Eddy sat there, stroking his hair and going through memories with that guy for his inner eye.
When Brett woke up again, he looked agitated and he started picking up a fight. With Eddy. As much as he was capable of though, considering he wasn't really able to breathe properly, and most of his energy had already been drained. Against a healthy Eddy he really didn't stand a chance.
Brett was trying to convince Eddy to stay in the waiting room while he was in the doctor's office. That way he could control how much information Eddy got. He could spare him the details.
-I told you, I'll be fine! Eddy! I'm a big boy. I can go by myself!
-Brett! Seriously! You KNOW that's not what this is about! I want to share the rest of my life with you, what happens to you, happens to me too!
-It's MY body, MY disease!
-Well, yea, but there's nothing like YOUR life anymore, it's OURS! I'm a part of it!
Te doctor was on Eddy's side on this one, it appeared.
He had known them for quite some time now, he knew they were a couple, and he knew they were practically living together.
He showed up in the doorway, nodded at Brett, and when Eddy was not rising, looking questionly at Brett, the doctor made his thoughts clear:
-I want you both to come with me.
Uh-oh, this was not good. Not at all.
Eddy could feel his legs shaking, almost not able to stand on his feet.
Brett felt like fainting again.
Back in the same office where they got to know Brett was sick 4 months ago, and everything seemed the same. The doctor, the office, the chairs they were sitting on, everything was the same as that day.
Even the doctor's face was similar to that day. Eddy got a dejavu-feeling.
Brett clearly had escaped to his happy place, just like he used to sometimes.
The doctor leaned over his desk, looked at them both, catching eyecontact, before he breathed deeply.
-Brett, we've seen from the scans that while we've got the leukemia under control, another tumor has emerged. It's in your liver, which is nothing we can do about. Your kidneys have been suffering from the chemo, they won't have any function at all in quite short amount of time.
-So, what do we do now Eddy whispered, not able to find his own voice.
-Options are: Brett, you will have to go through dialysis 3 times a week. This might extend your lifetime some weeks, or months. In the meantime your tumor will grow, and you will eventually die from it.
Or, we can stop all your life-supporting medicine and you will probably pass away within a few days.
Eddy got those black spots in front of his eyes again, reaching for Brett's hand, which was so so cold.
-The choice is yours Brett, and yours alone.
Eddy got big troubles forming any words at all. His tongue felt numb. His whole mouth did.
-Which option do you recommend?
-Like I just said, this is Brett's choice.
-I heard you loud and clear mister, Eddy had no time for beating around the bush! It made him angry. -what is the best way to end it, in your opinion? He said, his voice cold as ice, almost feeling he spelled out his last 3 words.
The doc didn't like how Eddy pinned him like that with his words, but his long experience with these conversations had made him patient.
-Dying from cancer in the liver may give you more time, but we can tell it'll be painful. If we quit giving medications, Brett will pass from organ-failure within a week.
-And how painful will that be?
-Not at all. He will be sedated, not feeling anything. He will pass in his sleep so to say.
Eddy nodded.
-So, what I suggest for you is to go home, talk it through and come up with what you want to do. Call me tomorrow.
Eddy couldn't get home fast enough, away from these walls which were closing in on him, making the room smaller each minute.
Neither of them remembered the trip home.
Finally home, Brett broke. From everything.
He went straight to the bedroom, telling Eddy to let him alone.
Making the choice was really not that big of a deal for Brett. He was terrified of pains and hospitals. It was really the best just to cut it short. Even as much as he wanted more time with Eddy and his family. There were still so much to do, so much to say! But he knew he didn't have enough time to do it all anyway.
He had to call his parents. And he had to make the most of it the last hours with Eddy.
